Troy Otto has once again proved to be a good luck charm for the rising Mighty Ducks. Troy played defense for 42 minutes last week in the Ducks 4-3 win against the No-Diques. He then played for the Ducks again last night in net to beat the 2nd Place Ameri-Can’ts 6-3. The spark has turned heads, especially with the tight race for 3rd between the Ducks, Seals, and Whalers. After a couple cocktails, Troy Blotto had this to say:

“I always said the Ducks were my favorite team. 2nd best draft in the league I always said. But they were missing some je ne sais quoi. Until I showed up! Man, I played awful last night and they still took it to the Americans! Bunch of losers, I always knew. Hetes is overrated. I’m the best goalie in the league don’t you forget it!” -Troy Otto

The team’s sentiment was a bit different, but overall agreed with Otto’s assessment:

“I’m calling Troy every chance I get. Other teams seem to be scared of him. Although he does tend to have some weird rituals in the locker room. I don’t really want to talk about it.” -Busta “Cookie Monster” Boostamente

“Having Troy as a scapegoat has been the best thing for this team. Everyone is playing hard and blaming him for mistakes. It really improves team camaraderie. He’s strange, though, I really don’t like seeing him before warmups.” -“Shuga” Shawn Hardy

“I love Troy! He’s such good luck before games! You know how you rub a rabbit’s foot for good luck? Well, Troy has us rub his REDACTED. Works like a charm!” -Allan ZZZ

“Runners eat this stuff called Goo before races. I’ve been using it lately and I’ve had no fatigue. It’s tasted funny the last couple weeks, though…” -“Pistol” Pete Niphoratos

Thank you, you magnificent bastard

From the desk of Harvey Weinstein, this is Junior Señor Reporter Carlos Antonio Machismo leaking dirty secrets.