Fans were furious Monday when they discovered the lovable Ducks would not be playing in the 9pm time slot. Instead, North Stars GM and amateur weightlifter Troy “The Swole One” Otto unilaterally decided to postpone the Ducks matchup for fear of losing his winning streak. Troy called up the Nordiques (lol) to play against his team, but insisted they play with Danny “He Who Must Not Be Named” Hull. Many analysts expected Hull to at least allow the Nor-Don’ts to at least compete, but no one could have predicted what happened next.

The matchup started off fairly slow without a lot of flair. McCracken wasted his one good shift per period early on a breakaway, and beat new goalie Cameron for a wide open net. McCracken then fumbled on the backhand and missed the goal entirely. Exhausted, he left the ice for the 13 minute remainder of the period.

The North Stars then began to control play, outshooting the lowly Diques 9-1 in the first. Tye Otto opened up scoring, much to everyone’s surprise. Paulinski House had a great game subbing for the Stars as well, and since he was passing and getting apples, no one knew it was House until he called for the puck by banging his stick on the ice for 16 seconds.

The second period started with the Diques behind in a big way, but certainly within striking distance. That is, until Weaver scored within 10 seconds. Weaver, bored and seeing his shift come to a close, decided “Let’s do that again” and scored again 1 minute into the period. Between the second and third period, Weaver came to the scorekeeper’s box and called his shot, “If I get a hatty, can you play Dream Weaver?” Sure dude, whatever, ain’t gonna happen. Until it did. Unfortunately, DJ Pistopolis had a gig at the local saganaki joint and had to split. So Weaver’s first career hat-trick was greeted with deafening silence. Whatever, call me when you score three against a decent team.

Dave P finally scored late in the third. Good job I guess. You still lost 6-1.

North Stars will try to continue their streak next week against the drowning Seals. Nordiques will continue their streak against the Americans.

Keep Dreaming, Weaver

This is league photographer and Junior Señor Reporter Carlos Antonio Machismo talkin shit.