APB: MISSING PERSONS REPORT

AMBER ALERT: TROY OTTO SEARCHING FOR WHEREABOUTS OF WARDS PESO AND VAPED LAST SEEN GETTING LIT UP BY NORTH STARS HOCKEY TEAM CARETAKER PANTY DROPPER WANTED FOR QUESTIONING

ESPN E:60 Episode 22

The Infamous Paul Proctor's Mismatched Socks ESPN MTV MNL does not condone violence in any way other than dick punches and pony rides on the ice. Off the ice is a completely different story and actions will be dealt with accordingly. There is a ZERO tolerance policy for touching an official.

Otto Charms Ducks in Winning Streak

Troy Otto has once again proved to be a good luck charm for the rising Mighty Ducks. Troy played defense for 42 minutes last week in the Ducks 4-3 win against the No-Diques. He then played for the Ducks again last night in net to beat the 2nd Place Ameri-Can'ts

Polaris Prevails: Weaver Dreams Big

Fans were furious Monday when they discovered the lovable Ducks would not be playing in the 9pm time slot. Instead, North Stars GM and amateur weightlifter Troy "The Swole One" Otto unilaterally decided to postpone the Ducks matchup for fear of losing his winning streak. Troy called up the Nordiques

Cage Rage: Face Protection Sparked Atrocity

A cage is to blame for a crime committed late Monday night at Viking Ice Arena, sources reported early Tuesday morning. Wearing a cage temporarily prevented the ability for a strong substitute hockey player to enrage, rendering the substitution ineffective in Monday's game between the Nordiques and North Stars. The Ivory Tower

Troy Otto’s Defensive Prowess Turns Heads

Goalie turned defenseman Troy "The Successful One" Otto had a shutdown game on defense Monday evening for the Mighty Ducks. Troy was able to play 40 minutes of a 45 minute game and allowed 0 goals against during that time. It was only after Troy had finished his final shift