Episode 7 of Game of Groans – The Mountain vs. Red Viper

Last week on Game of Groans, King Slayer, Jaime “Pistol” Lannister lead a charge on the uninhabited 3rd place castle. While marching on the Castle, Timerys Braunborn of house Braunscheidel , first of his name, the unsympathetic, King of the cheaters and the first Hull, Khal of the Great Sub Controversy, Breaker of Rules, and Father of Dragons, pulled all the tricks out of his hat for this matchup. Summining all three of his (all legal) Dragons, Danny Hullgon, Rhaegner, and Vistarrion, the fire breathing beasts obliterated Pistol’s Army to nothing. They gave the best fight they could but the Ducks Army could not fly together against the true Beasts of the Sky.

The Mountain vs. Area 51

The Ducks faced off against the Seals this week in a battle of the last place team. Peso getting into it early with Brandt. Instead of a game misconduct, peso and brandt opted for a trial by combat type situation in which they chose Cory “The Mountain” Zauner to battle against Shaun “Area 51” MartEisenmenger. This battle was a fierce fight with The Mountain being massive in size and the strongest man in the 6 kingdoms. He is one guy that no one wants to mess with and doesn’t take shit from anyone. ShaunE, the energizer bunny with the quickness of a cat seemed like this was going to be a David vs Goliath match up where Goliath crushed david.

(The ducks jump out to an early lead with Turtle sniping one in to start off hot.)

ShaunE was getting banged around and shut down by The Mountain and company. ShaunE then decided to act smart and skate circles around The Mountain to tire him out so he can strike quick and hard. ShaunE tipped in a goal to tie the game. ShaunE started celebrating with his companion Todd Otto and showing off. The Mountain, fed up with the taunting of ShaunE, stood up while ShaunE wasnt paying attention, and skated up behind him. With a massive shadow cast over ShaunE, he turned around ever so slowly… The Mountain grabbed ShaunE by the throat with one swift motion, picked ShaunE off the ground with and choke slam him to the ground. The Mountain proceeded to  give him some ground and pound action (Peso was taking notes for his workout regimen).

The fight ended with The Mountain squeezing ShaunE’s head to a pulp exploding it all over the ice. Screeching groans of Todd Otto were heard throughout Viking Area with the viewers STUNNED by what they just witnessed, “How was that humanly possible” murmured Paul Antioch who was filming the altercation from the bench. The seals seemed defeated after that, unsterstandably.

ShaunE did end up getting a partial win out of it by injuring The Mountain with his goal piercing his upper body. The wound looked infected and some even said The Mountian Flat lined for 2 minutes due to medical complications. After the 1st period with the scored tied at 1.  Grand Maester Busta took The Mountain into the dressing room to revive him back to health. Maester Busta was preforming unethical medical practices with the consent of King Sheigur. Sheigur stated “do whatever you have to do, fix him, whatever you do, FIX HIM!!”. Maester Busta did his best, but didn’t realize what kind of Monster he was creating. The Mountain sat up from the bench with his face black and blue, Blood vessels in his eyes burst. “HE’S ALIVE!! I DID IT!! HE IS ALIVE!!” Shouted Maester Busta. Viking Arena was filled with horrific grunts coming from the Ducks locker room. Everyone waiting to see what kind of beast Maester Busta created.

Out walks the Mountain with a new helmet with Some kind of Full facemask where you can only see his blood shot eyes. Peso took one look at him and say “I don’t know what type of weed Busta gave him but I want some. Those are some serious blood shot eyes. Hopefully Busta has extra for after the game”. The Olympic sheet of ice was silent as this creature steps on the ice sending a earthquake type crack that led straight to Where Todd Otto was sitting on the bench. Sheigur, horrified by what Maester Busta did to her body gaurd was unsure if He could even trust this “thing”.

While skating to the bench, Soukas was tusseling with King Slayer Pistol, The Mountain turned to him, picked him up, threw him over the glass into the penalty box for 2 minutes. The clock operators were in such awe that they couldnt even figure out how to put the penalty on the scoreboard. The Mountain picked up Soukas’ stick, and snapped it like a toothpick with one had. Soon after, the new and improved Mountain sends a lazer pass to charles who gets it up to Pistol to put the Ducks up 2-1.

The Ducks seemed like a NEW team with the addition of the bigger, badder, Mountain. They had a whole new pep in their step. Charles given new life, skated hard to put pressure on wilkie, who turned it over to charles who then gave Kyle Bauer a nice touch pass that ended in the Ducks going up 3-1. Whoop frustrated with everything going on after his beloved companion’s head exploded tried taking matters into his own hands. He tried assasinating the King of the 6 kingsoms himself by taking him to the ice and trying to kiss him the snakes poison on his lips. Nothing to show for it with The Mountain protecting his beloved King. Whoop took a 2 minute penalty where King Sheigur got the puck to Turtle who gave a nice little sauce pass to Grand Maester Busta who banged one home for his 4th goal of the season. Ducks were then up 4-1 when the King decided to finish the Seals off himself with a great ring around the boards pass from JimE off the faceoff to conclude the game at 5-1 in favor of the Ducks.

King shiegur, brother/lover King Slayer Pistol, and The Mountain go into next game confident and are willing to do anything to get Ws. Just when Westeros thought they had the Ducks on the Ropes, the King rallys his troops to do whatever it will take to get to the top of the league. The only thing that can stop them is King of the North… Stars, Jack Snow and potential ally, Timerys, father of dragons. Look for them to team up to try and slow down the new Ducks. The Ducks face off against the WildDiques, led by The King beyond the wall, Pants Drayger and his leading goal scorer Tormund GiantsBin. This Should be quite the Battle with a big statement game for both teams. Winner could set themselves up for a spot clear spot in 4th place.

Reporting from the Ducks lockeroom,

Ducks Junior Señor Chief Executive Beat Writer Juan Pablo Fernando Boostá-Menté