The rags to riches story no one wanted

Doomsday Cults around the world are stirring after four MNL teams featured 11th or 12th rounders earning points. Trade rumors are buzzing all through the league, with every team but the North Stars excited to get a piece of the Bender Action. When asked why he was being such a sourpuss, GM Troy Otto, for the first time in his life, declined to comment. As an 11th rounder, though, we all know Troy is a bender at heart, and there’s only room for one plug on his team.

League Veteran and 12th round pick Dave Vinande had a stellar game against the floundering Whalers. He started scoring early in the first to get his team going. However, not to be undone, 11th Round Whaler Matt “Crunk” Crnkovich potted one in of his own, giving the Whalers a breath of fresh air. Vinande felt the need to prove something, apparently, and found the back of the net again to end with 2 goals on the night. Teammate and number one fan Peso had this to say:

“Vinande? He scored tonight? I wasn’t paying attention. But did you see how many points I had?! I had like 9 points tonight. Who were we talking about?”

Meanwhile. the Benders on the Olympic ice decided to try out their all-around skills instead of finesse things like goals. Both Machi brothers came into the game swearing to take the other one out. Older and Prettier Brother Charles “Big Sexy” Machi attempted to goad out the rage of Little Sam “Sweet Sweet” Machi by an “accidental crosscheck” against League Patriot Paul Antioch in the second period.

“Oh Jeez I’m sorry! I couldn’t stop!” -Charles “GOONS” Machi

Sweet Machi was apparently terrified of dropping the gloves, and instead decided to ignore the play completely.

“Crosscheck to the back? Looked like a clean hit to me!” – Sam Machi

In the middle of the third period, Big Sexy dug deep in the offensive zone and passed a bullet to Shuga Shawn Hardy in the slot. Shuga made Starr look like Hetes in a sick snipe to tie the game up. Big Sexy added insult to injury by going to the Americans bench and fist bumping Sweet Machi while he sat there, dejected. Sam swore revenge on his twisted brother and managed to get the puck to Danny “Pussy Abuser” Hull for an empty netter in the final moments of the game. The Americans won 5-3.

All Benders have been recognized for their efforts and had their contracts extended by one week.

This Junior Señor Reporter Carlos Antonio Machismo signing out.