Paul Antioch left officials staring wide-eyed Monday night when he walked out of the locker room in a stunning American Flag jersey. Whalers GM Brian Walters immediately petitioned to league founder Troy Otto to have the jersey removed.
“It’s a distraction and I will not force my team to play against it! How is that a ‘white’ jersey? I thought we agreed I was gonna be the best looking son of a bitch on the ice! If we wouldn’t have bought our jerseys from China, this wouldn’t have even been an issue!” -Brian Walters, probably
Troy Otto told Walters to “shut his no good commie mouth” and play the game. Brian reluctantly agreed, while mumbling something about a toothless wonder. The game began like any other, but the Americans seemed to have less stride in their step than usual. As it turned out, whenever Antioch strode by, jersey waving in the land of the free, Americans skaters stopped to place their hands on their hearts. Sweet Machi actually appeared to kneel, and was quickly pulled by GM Manny for his stunt. However, upon tape review, it turned out he just tripped on the Blue Line and was allowed to continue to play. Paul Proctor clearly noticed his team’s faltering performance.
“What can I say? We’re a bunch of patriotic sons of bitches. Win or lose, I am proud to be an American. As long as Shuga doesn’t overtake me in the points standings, I’ll be fine…” -Paul “2nd Place” Proctor
Justin Wright managed to take advantage of the distracted Americans. Coming off of a lower body injury, Wright knew he had something to prove. In the second period, Justin skated past two saluting American defensemen to score on a rebound. The Whalers would go on to win 4-2.
“Теперь, когда американцы отвлечены, мы можем, наконец, догнать дерзких ублюдков. сука блять” -Comrade Justin Wright
The league is encouraging Antioch to continue to wear his jersey so that the other teams can tear through the Americans.
You’ll always be a winner in my book, Antioch.
This is Junior Señor Reporter Carlos Antonio Machismo getting deported.
