A full blown investigation is underway in the MNLHL Press Circuit after it was revealed certain members took bribes to keep the North Stars high in the Power Rankings. After a close 3-2 loss last night against the 2-0 Americans, the North Stars expected to drop two places in the volatile and misguided ranking system. However, in a shock upset, the North Stars remained with their 2nd place position with an average ranking of just 0.07 better than the 1-1 Seals. Whistleblowers REDACTED and REDACTED quickly informed the MNLHL Governing Body, and swift action was taken to make sure this probably won’t happen again for another two weeks.

Troy Otto, miserable that his perfect team with no weaknesses showed weakness, conscripted Co-GM and Co-Brother Tye Otto to buy off two members of the press corps under the guise of MNL side bets, Charles “Big Sexy” Machi and Jeremy “Panty Dropper” Drager. Tye bet Machi that he would score a goal against Hetes and the undefeated Americans, while also betting Drager that he could score with Canadian Liberal HeartThrob Leslie. He then conspired to have Machi place the Stars 2nd under the pretense of “Former Team Love,” while suggesting Drager vote them 3rd as to avoid suspicion. However, this fooled nobody, especially the whistleblowers:

“You honestly expect me to believe Tye ever thought he could have scored a goal against the Americans? It was obviously a sham bet from the start. And don’t get me started on Tye’s bet with Drager. Anyone with eyes could have told you Leslie would never have slept with him. Why would Tye throw his money away like this unless it was a cover-up for something far more sinister?” – REDACTED

Wow, this photo is very slimming for all parties.

This is Disgraced Reporter Carlos Antonio Machismo Resigning…