Some of you know this man as Keith Wood. Some of you know this man as Woodsie. Some amongst this glorious league refer to this man as Public Enemy #1. If you dig deep enough into this man’s history you will find out he is mostly known by the name… “Angel of Death”! According to sources, Woodsie received this moniker in his formidable teenage years. Growing up on the mean streets of Warren, the entrepreneurial young man saw a need in the community. He would pair desperate and impressionable young people with certain strains of illegal substances. This lead him to build an empire in the Van Dyke and 696 area creating enough cash flow to fund his fledgling golf habit. Local vagrants would ask around by name for the ‘Angel of Death’, an affectionate cognomen bestowed upon him. “He had da best shit in town” mumbled an inebriated displaced person behind the McDonalds. “We all miss his ass since he turned into a big hockey tough guy”.

Woodsie has maintained and transferred his persona of the Angel of Death to the ice rink. Over the first six weeks of the MNL season he has brought his tenacious, rugged and dirtbag qualities that mad him a legendary and feared drug peddler on the streets, to the ice surface in Hazel Park. “I mean, guys don’t want to fuck with me. I may shank you with a blunt object in the corner or knee you in open ice, then smoke a bowl with you on the Labatt Blue Party Deck”. He used those same shady tactics with his clientele near 12 Mile and Hoover. “I got those losers hooked on my product by using my charm and magnetism…. then I snatched their souls!”.

There is a reason that the year end Dickie Award known as the Darius Kasperitis Hack of the Year has been renamed the ‘Woodsie’. His menacing play has targeted multiple skaters this season including the docile Captain Tom Phillips, beloved doctor Michael Sikorski, counselor Zach Hartkop, and of course his nemesis Qurico Ziraldo. “He is right up there with Gumma and Rutkowski” said Q about Wood. He added…”Maybe we should include JFlo on that list with all the bitching he was doing about the referees last week”. Players should not be fooled by Woodsie’s ‘aw shucks’ behavior usually reserved for post game activities. “The man is a complete shit disturber during a game, that’s why I drafted him, and that’s why he is Public Enemy #1” exclaimed David Cipparone.

Dickie Dunn