Monday night was a chance for the Scouts and Tigers blockbuster trade to come to fruition. Both clubs looked to see if their transaction would pay dividends on the ice. The first trade of the 2023/24 season would send Timmy Kimmel, Spicy Hetes and Ryan Z to the Scouts in exchange for Bin, Nick Myers and Cam Clauser. “We needed to shake things up” said GM RAllen alluding to his teams 1-9-1 record entering Monday night. And boy… did the move pay off instantly. Led by new super sniper Tim Kimmel the Scouts exacted revenge on the league with a definitive 5-1 shellacking of the Seals. “We’ve had some pent up frustration in this locker room and tonight it all just came together” said a joyful Ryan Monette. “Both teams thought they got the better end of the deal but clearly David Cipps Cipparone is a criminal MEGAMIND by fleecing Skillman and acquiring three quality dudes and dumping those clowns we had” said normally reserved defenseman Mike Shepard. The new Scouts peppered the best goalie in MNL history Nick Santi and left perennial first team all star ShaunE deflated and clearly perplexed. An unknown source (Coach Brandon) overheard ShaunE exiting the back door of Viking Arena mumbling the following words… “There is no way we should get our lunch fed to us by that shitty, rag tag team”. The Scouts celebrated their first victory since Labor Day in the Labbat Blue Party Deck. Smiles and jubilant emotions were strewn across the burgundy and gold clad members of the squad as they toasted each other in the lobby with Blue Lights and pretzel rods courtesy of Otto Family Properties. “It’s a new era for this franchise. It just shows the hockey acumen that Cipps has over guys like Troy and Pearcy who think they know how to build a championship team” exclaimed Pauly Proctor.
Charles Big Cat Machi has set the standard dress code for all league related activities.
Conversely, the Tigers walked into the rink confident in their new roster only to be outdueled by those pesky Nordiques. “I thought we upgraded our squad by picking up Myers and Bin but I’m having some trepidations right now” said Jeff Skillman is a post game interview. “I really messed up getting rid of Kimmel (who had 2 G’s on the night) and now Cipps wont even consider annulling our trade”. The Tigers outshot the Nordiques most of the evening but could not get much past the solid goaltending of Dr. Pangrazzi. “We took advantage of our opportunities slipping past their defense and converting on some breakaways” said Paul Antioch who notched two goals in the contest. The only offense the Tigers would muster was a 70 foot clapper by McShannock resulting in a 4-1 defeat. Adding insult to injury the final Dique goal would be a highlight reel snipe by former MVP Chad Paulinski. Entering the right hand side of the zone on a three on one, Pfister would lure the defenseman over and deftly slide a brilliant pass over to a streaking Paulinski. In one swift motion Chad would expertly tip the puck with the toe of his stick into the upper corner. “It’s just what high end skilled players do…” commented Jeremy Drager on Chads goal. “We pay him for those kinds of plays and have come to expect that from him each week. He obviously is a 1st or 2nd rounder next season”.
On a side note, the Drake and Loosey Goosey have buried the hatchet as each player has served their suspension levied by the Ivory Tower. Both convicted league felons reached an agreement last week to serve their sentence together in isolation with two coked up hookers and a kilo of blow at the Knights Inn motel located at 696/Dequindre. “All I remember was hearing a faint knock on the motel door. Turns out it was DaveP trying to get in our room” smirked Drake. “Eye jus wanted a ‘lil taste of either the hookers or the booger sugar” said Vape!
Dickie Dunn
