Were going to try a new format this week with just some random observations, quotes and story lines from week 8 of the MNL season…
-Those spunky Diques vanquished the Whalers in a one sided affair 4-0. Somewhere the members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins are popping champagne bottles celebrating the only undefeated season in pro sports.
-Chad’s ONLYFANS page #asiansscore grew in popularity last night after his two goal outburst. Members of the site will receive a voucher for a free half dozen pierogi’s and an order of bulgogi at Mama Paulinski’s Korean BBQ. Don’t forget to tipjar your server…
-Is it even any fun for goaltender extraordinaire Nick Santi? The dude saw more rubber going out for a drive on 8 Mile with Goose picking up hookers than he did against the Americans last night. Amerks could only muster 5 shots after two periods.
-The Tigers continue their stellar play led by Brett Knybel who played thirteen of the first fifteen minutes of the game. They are tough down the middle with a super focused Jeff Skillman and the soft mitts of Tim Kimmel who sniped a pair against Clawz last night.
-Ryan Z declined warmups before the contest and promptly let in the first shot he saw 15 seconds into the game. Charles Machi was miffed at his goaltender and lack of commitment stating “most people who fail in their dreams fail not from lack of ability but from lack of commitment”.
-Rumor is there is a 47% chance the Drake returns to the Americans.
-After the seventh goal against Riley last night he made his way to the American bench and unloaded his frustration on GM Crunk. “I thought he was gonna tell me he was done and we would go six skaters the rest of the night but what he really said was what a pleasure it was to have Troy sub for us” said Crunk.
-Best couple quotes I heard last night… Bin: “The Scouts have only won 1 game but we sure aren’t the Americans”. Peso before dropping the puck for the third period: “I have a no trade clause to the Americans in my contract”. Sikorski: “I can’t believe we lost to a team that has Panty on it… the Whalers are open for business and actively looking for trade partners”. Pistol Pete: “I guaranteed a victory for the Diques and delivered on that promise. I’m like the Greek Rasheed Wallace with less melanin.
-Has anyone seen or heard from Hetes? Was he deployed to Gaza? Where are the scoresheets? Are the stats done yet?
-What do you do if you are a fan of the Americans? The locker room is fine but the bench is a shit show. This is a proud franchise will a long history but right now they look like the San Jose Sharks. After the game there was an alleged verbal altercation within the team locker room. When asked about the fracas Tim Turtle D’Onofrio would not elaborate but did offer us a glimpse of what took place. “It was like watching your mom and dad fight. You know they should just get a divorce because they hate each other. They are only staying together for us children”.
Dickie Dunn
