Monday evening the Scouts hosted the Tigers in their inaugural game as a franchise. The red carpet affair saw throngs of fans greeting players at the front door. Players were adorned in fine suits of silk spurring Pauly Proctor to arrive sans shirt. “The feel of that material on my nipples was euphoric and the ladies at Peaks enjoyed it also”.  Planning for the game took nearly three years and the sold out crowd did not have to wait long to celebrate. ‘We had a vision for this organization. We have been preparing our fanbase for a fast paced and high scoring brand of hockey.. and boy did we deliver quickly’ said Marketing Director of Scout Hockey David Cipparone. It didn’t take long for the leagues newest franchise to assert themselves into the MNL record book. The opening faceoff was won by center Jeff Skillman back to star defenseman Andrew Spicy Hetes. A quick forecheck by Bin spelled trouble for the anxious D-man and led to a turnover resulting in the puck in behind Ryan Z. The first goal ever recorded by the Scouts sets the all-time MNL record for fastest goal to start a game in league history at 8 seconds. ‘I don’t even know what happened’ a surprised Hetes muttered on the bench ‘all I saw was a small streaking blur and the puck being stolen from me’. Before the Tigers could even warm the seats of their bench up the Scouts added a second goal with a crisp goal mouth pass from Bin to a wide open Fuckeila Proctor who was positioned at the back door. Bang… 2-0 and rookie referee Robert Gibb hadn’t even made it to the ice surface as he couldn’t find his whistle. Third round sniper Peso would extend the early lead to 3-0 with a tally before McShannock would get the Tigers on the board with a long blast from the point. Before the end of the first stanza the Scouts would strike again amidst some controversy. Before clearing the zone on a delayed off side a loose pack was gathered by former 22 who delivered a shot-pass on a two on one over to Bin, one timing it into the net past a helpless Z. ‘The play was so far off side that we all quit on the play’ said a shocked Charles Machi. ‘You know I would have used my speed to track down Proctor’. Stunned by the scoring prowess exhibition in the first period, team leader Tim Kimmel lambasted his team mates. The inspirational speech would spark a furious comeback by the purple and gold who would register the next 5 goals of the contest. The flood gates opened for superstar Golden Brett Knybel who had four of his teams tallies. ‘I saw what Sugar did last week so I needed to prove to him that he is clearly four draft spots lower than me’ Knybel snidely remarked. Also getting in on the scoring was Old Man Eidt who snapped a quick shot past Clawz who may have wanted the night back. The game proved to the rest of the league that the Scouts have the firepower but need to tighten the hatches down in the defensive end… or just keep Kynbel contained.

Shout out to Whalers player of the game and Captain Stabbin’ award winner Johnny G who kicked away 29 of 31 shots. 

Dickie Dunn