A Monday Night Lights all time record fell last night with a total of only five goals scored for a combined six teams within three games. “In a nod to the 2022 World Cup soccer tournament, scoring this week has been temporarily prohibited” said Ivory Tower resident Jeremy Drager. The world has paused as all eyes turn towards Qatar and the ‘beautiful game’ which is normally associated with low scoring. “Tonight our beautiful MNL game paid tribute to soccer with low scoring matches of 1-nill Nordiques, 2-1 Whalers and 1-nill Maroons” said futbal aficionado Drake ‘Arby’s Braun “Heck, I bought into it myself and chose not to score tonight for the first time all year”. Goalies all around the league revered the choice of MNL’ers to curtail their scoring for at least one week. “As President of the MNLGA (Monday Night Lights Goalie Association) I thank everyone for their participation” announced Nordique tender Pangrazzi… “At least this week none of us goalies have to go to the chiropractor with sore necks from looking behind us”.
Let’s begin with the high scoring game… In a back and forth duel the mighty Whalers dispatched the Tigers 2-1. A beautiful two on one break and silky smooth pass from Adam Oats Playmaker of the Year nominee Turtle Tim, Larivee put the first goal past Ryan Z. The Drake would set up the most talented man in the league pound for pound Chad for his fourth of the year. The Tigers would stay in the fight with a goal by Skilly Skillman but it just wasn’t enough to get the win. Simultaneously, the Seals played the Nordiques in a defensive battle. “Both teams had a lot of shots on net but no one had real quality scoring chances” lamented Seals power forward Quirico Ziraldo. Only the skilled hands of Slick Rick Merrit would find the back of the net boosting him to nine Gino’s on the season. “I just do what they hired me to do… and that’s racking up massive amounts of goals”.
In the 10pm spotlight game, the Kings of the North promised it’s fan base a ‘dub against the hot Maroons. North Stars management made a deal with all fans who paid for admission to last nights game. “The deal was a Stars win or everyone who bought a ticket could redeem it for a free turkey” said forward Mark Pelot. The game would be a hard fought affair with plenty of physicality and emotion. “We definitely had 97% puck possession” said a feisty Troy Otto “and Sugar can shut his filthy mouth!”. The animosity stems from a dangerous play mid way through the third period. Stars first rounder Brett Knybel rushed the puck forward with a head of steam trying to beat Maroon defenseman D DougE Fresh to the net. While the superstar cut towards the goal mouth to get a shot away he neglected to avoid helpless Cam Clauser, folding him over like a cheap garment bag and sending flying in a heap. “It’s a total dick move in my opinion” said noted goon Woodsie. “If I was out there I would have made him pay the price”. The dangerous collision left Clawz in a pile with head trauma and a probable broken left hoof. Immediately, MNL veteran referees agreed that it was an egregious violation of league rules and assessed Knybel a 5 minute misconduct and game suspension. The major penalty put the Maroons on the power play with about eight minutes to go. GM Brian Pearcy elected to play Sugar, Bin and Woodsie for the entire power play without any quality chances. On the behest of Stars GM Troy Otto, the Maroons finally made a line change sending out their secret weapon… HAL! With a mere three minutes to play, Bin collected the puck below the goal line. Faking as if he would carry the puck behind the net the center stopped short and found hot hand Hal Doherty parked in the slot. Shaking off multiple Stars defenders using his superior strength, Hal ripped a shot over the blocker of sub goalie Johnny G and securing the victory. “That’s two weeks in a row with Hal scoring the game winners for us” said Zach Hartkop “So maybe Troy should not beg for line changes and worry about his own team”.
Cheers to Uncle Pfister being back in the house and for music playing on the Olympic sheet. Great to have a DaveP sighting out there. Enjoy your Thanksgiving boys and say a little thanks for this great league!
Dickie Dunn
