The great Greek philosopher Petras Pistola Niphoratos once said “Now the official season begins”. The sixth regular season in MNL history is in the books and six teams remain with a chance to hoist the cherished Stanley Keg. All the remaining teams have their line ups set and line combinations sorted out except the Tigers. With the sudden retirement announcement two weeks ago from Tim Kimmel, the Tigers are without a permanent fourth rounder for their playoff run. Tiger GM Ryan Allen is now targeting a suitable replacement and according to undisclosed sources the player they are looking to add is Turtle Tim D’Nofrio. The move makes sense on countless levels. Let’s take a look at the similarities between Turtle and Kimmel.
- Both players share the same first name.
- Kimmel 5 points, Turtle 4 points on the year.
- Both players have 2 minutes in penalties.
- They were taken within 4 picks of each other in the draft.
- Turtle’s team has been eliminated and during the regular season clubs are to reach out to the team on a bye for subs.
- There is precedent for naming a long term sub for the playoffs.
- In 2020 Kimmel 18 points, Turtle 16 points.
- In 2019 Kimmel 9 points, Turtle 8 points.
- In 2018 Kimmel 4 goals, Turtle 2 goals.
- Turtle is looking for his first Keg and got shafted getting traded earlier this season.
The move to acquire Turtle would require a vote from the Ivory Tower. “At this point the Tower has not received a formal letter from Jeff Skillman” commented Panty Drager “but it would be an interesting vote”. Tigers super star Andy Femm said “It would be an honor playing with a guy like Turtle. His grace and fierce competitive spirit is infectious. I hope to be half the man he is one day!”. Dickie Dunn advocates this move and there is a grass roots effort being started in favor of Turtle. The campaign to get D’Nofrio started last weekend as two MNL’ers were on the beach in Los Angeles (RAllen at the Don Diablo Techno Music Fest and Skillman at Superbowl LVI) holding signs that read “Save the Turtle”.
Reach out to your local Congressman and MNL GM to pass legislation to allow Turtle Tim to become a Tiger…
Dickie Dunn
