Multiple witnesses on scene during the 10:30pm matchup of the Whalers and Tigers have given statements that seem to confirm local goaltender Andrew Hetes did in fact commit grand larceny by snaring a deflected puck in the waning moments of a critical game. Witnesses who wish not to be named have shared their account of the incident;

“It was a laser shot from McShannock from at the point, that Slick Rick got a stick on somehow. The puck bounced off the ice just outside the crease and that’s when the crime was perpetrated. That puck goes in the net most nights, no doubt.”

When reached for comment, a lawyer representing Mr. “Spicy” Hetes, was quoted saying “My client is not remorseful, and will go a step further, promising to do it again.” The audacity of the statement shocks the sensibilities, however, his play this season has backed up such strong words. It was moments later that he was caught breaking the law once again, when he assaulted a defenseless player with a senseless act of violence. Make no mistake, we must consider this suspect dangerous.

This has been a report from a concerned citizen.