The Hazel Park Police Department, in conjunction with the greater metropolitan hockey community and Twitch users world wide, have issued a “Be On The Lookout” for a missing Monday Night Lights hockey legend. The notice was broadcast on local TV stations, AM radio stations and ham radios across southeastern Michigan Monday morning asking the public to find DaveP’s whereabouts. Vape is described as a white male 4’10”, 145 pounds, wearing a white velour jumpsuit. He was last seen several weeks ago at Viking Ice Arena losing another game for the Americans. “There are at least two people concerned bout his well-being” said Hazel Park Police Chief Brian O. Buchholz. “We are asking for the community’s help in searching for this wayward boy”. Police have conducted a forensic analysis of his social media, cell phone and computer to glean insight on his state of mind. An exhuastive search of his history indicated that Mr. Podolan had recently searched “how to break the curse of the Keg?’ , “Am I trending on Twitch?” , “Garanimal outfits on sale”, an application to ‘Chad Paulinski’s Power Skating School’, “orthodontists” and “recipes for keto cannabis cookies”. Vape has been a late bail for hockey recently through the Slack channel but he has not actually spoken to anyone in MNL. There are current internet rumors that he may have been abducted and his captor is falsifying his messages. Team GM Paul Antioch said he received a cryptic message from a person named Zeke Rawlins prior to last nights game alleging to be Vape. It read “I  have a very particular set of skills of not scoring goals. Skills I have acquired over a very long hockey career. Skills that make me a nightmare to have on your team. If you trade me now that’ll be the end of it.  I will not pursue you, but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will snipe on you.”

Dickie Dunn