The most iconic hockey teams of all time didn’t just become “teams” by being on the same ice or wearing the same uniform… they bonded. This seems to be the mantra of the league leading MNL Whalers. In an excerpt from the world famous MNLHL podcast last night, team party boy Dylan Loosey Goosey Lesner said in order to have a great team you must have a great locker room. “I may be a goalie but I’m the most vocal guy out there. After we beat the majorly subbed-up North Stars Monday night I told all the boys that I was hosting a team building celebration at the Motel 6 down the street”. A tabloid picture was released by the Ivory Tower Enquirer showing what transpired inside the hotel room. A team spokesman quickly scheduled a press conference today at 4pm at the Kozy Lounge. Several Whaler players sheepishly attended and were asked about the titillating expose during the press conference. First to speak was Goosey himself. “We all built trust in each other… It’s not a big deal”. Dave P stated that he was lured into the room with an offer to play with the new PlayStation 5. “Eye didnt know, eye thinked we was gonna do a Twitch game”. GM Trent Young said “I don’t care who’s dick I have to suck, I want that Keg”.  Turtle Tim equated the sexually filled experience to being on the Ducks last year. “I took it in the ass last season on that shit team so whats six more penises”. League veteran Tim Braunscheidel was not offended by his teams actions. “We are a very intimate Club and the bond we all share now is unbreakable”. Brian Bustamante denied any actual penetration occurred and the entire night but just simply revolved around the boys stroking Matt Taylor’s luxurious hair. We will see if this unique method of team building pays off for the Whalers the rest of the season. While exiting the press conference Goosey looked back at the reporters gathered around and said “Even if we don’t win the Keg this year WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE THAT MONDAY NIGHT!”

Dickie Dunn