The new MNLHL season has already started off rocky with two weeks in a row of missing jerseys from IHL partner Dangle Sauce. With growing pressure from the league and its fans, Lead League Designer and Head Money Guy Jeremy “Panty Dropper” Drager reached out to DS to request an expected delivery date. Dangle Sauce just responded, “Yes.”

But, after weeks of waiting, Dangle Sauce finally delivered the long awaited 2019-20 season jerseys just moments before puck drop Monday night. Teams were elated, then quickly bemused, by the contents in the certified quality boxes from China. Inside were socks with holes in them, no nameplates, and jerseys of different styles, quality, and shades of color. “What the hell is this?! We look like a damn drop-in league. Send em back to China!” an anonymous Nordique GM lamented. However, not all players found the jerseys to be all that bad. “They really nailed it this year,” exclaimed Troy Otto, NorthStars GM, “They look exactly like they’re supposed to! We may not be playing good but we look great!” Perennial League MVP Paul Proctor also found his mismatched socks “charming.”

Due to the unforseen drop in jersey quality, MNL was forced to also adjust the quality of their team identities. Therefore, the Week 4 Matchups will now be as follows:

Moose Knuckles v. Rusty Trombones

Pink Dildos v. Chicks with Sticks

Twine Ticklers v. Donkey Punchers

Bye: OFP

From the Fake Newsdesk of Carlos Antonio Machismo, enjoy your week and listen in to the MNL podcast every Tuesday night!