Byline: Outside the Office of VP of Strength Capital

Both the Whalers and Americans had the opportunity to prove to the league that their trades improved their chances to raise the Keg. Unfortunately both clubs fell short on Monday night. The Whalers were beaten by the front running Nordiques led by their trio of super stars @hardyparty92 @pauly and @Peso . Similarly the Americans dropped their contest against the Mighty Ducks led by MVP candidate @pniphoratos who lead the team in points with 8 (the score was 6-4 but Pistol arbitrated league statistician @pantydropper for three extra assists).

“It’s still hard to say which team got the better deal” commented @brauny who witnessed both teams. During a post game interview, Ivory Tower officials gleaned some insight of the process for the unprecedented six player swap. Spokesperson @ottotroy29 said that the trade was extremely complex. Initial offers were made by Americans GM @manny to exchange @dreamweaver @tkshreve and @Tom Leader for @JgtWrubel @jellis and tender @ARiley . “The league believed that this deal had been reached pending approval from tycoon @jserda . GM @youngtr7 had agreed in principle and had a hand shake deal with Manny”. @antio1pd had reportedly already contacted Dangle Sauce to order the jerseys but fortunately the company has a six month turn around time. Both clubs agreed that this was an equitable trade. Insert Captain Jack Serda.

Relying on his highly honed negotiating skills, much like the Banker on the show Deal or No Deal, Serda believed he could do better. @youngtr7 recalled the moment his secured land line with direct communication to Serda rang. “He outright directed me to renege on our deal. He told me were going to fleece this team”. A counter offer was made and accepted by the Amerks who looked desperate to change the locker room landscape.

The move looked to be inspirational for the team as they jumped out to an early 1-0 lead. “We haven’t had a lead in five weeks so it was an unusual spot for us” said steady defenseman @wilkie . The second period was the tale of the game. Netting four goals on the night, @ctaylor14 was named the first star of the contest . The Duck lead had ballooned to 5-1 and presumably out of reach for the red white and blue. “The boys showed some heart and didn’t quit and I’m proud to be associated with a group of guys like this” said newly acquired tip jar enthusiast forward @chad_paulinski . Ducks leader @Tim D’Onofrio had seen enough of the pseudo comeback and ordered his super stars to put it out of reach. “I have a unique way of motivating my players. Some guys you need to coddle and some guys need a kick in the ass. I told Pistol that he was being outplayed by inferior opponents”. Pete responded with two goals of his own to deliver the victory.