Byline: Oval Office of POTUS

In lieu of the ongoing government shutdown the MNL Americans are feeling the economic crunch. Government employees have gone 20 days without pay amd now it has impacted the hockey team. The club needed to shed some salary in order to stay solvent. “A tough decision had to be made by management and we parted ways with some high priced players” said Co-GM @antio1pd

The Americans chose to trade third and sixth rounders @tkshreve and @dreamweaver to the Whalers for more financially fiscal options. Oddly, they elected to send their best player goalie @Tom Leader in exchange for Officer @ARiley . It is believed that it was a “mercy” or sympathy trade to reward Leader with a chance to win with another team. League analyst @pantydropper gave his thoughts on the six player deal. “@youngtr7 and suave negotiating tycoon @jserda completely fleeced the Americans”.

“The organization is moving in a new direction” said lead negotiator @manny . “We needed a major shake up to get back on track and we took the best offer available to change our team chemistry”. The new look Americans look to be following the Oakland A’s method of winning consistent with the movie Moneyball. The acquisition of former American @dragovic should help because he already knows the playbook. Sacrificing team size, @chad_paulinski should add some scoring touch and humbleness in the locker room. Commenting about his new surroundings Chad lamented “I’m terrible and way over valued. I’m not sure what they were thinking. I shouldn’t have been traded for more than a used puck bag or @ottotroy29 “.

The new look Amerks will look to prove their mettle next Monday against the Mighty Ducks who chose to stand pat during the trade deadline. Speaking about his upcoming opponent GM @Busta said he may try a revolutionary new tactic . “We all know about Bender OT… we may just do Bender Game against these guys on Monday. Only Ducks from the sixth round down will dress for the game and we will still win decisively”. If this strategy is true, Vegas odds makers have instilled the Ducks as -2.5 favorites.

Looking to defect to Mexico…

Dickie Dunn