Fans rejoiced Wednesday night when elderly pretty boy Brian “Manbun” Pearcy finally scored his first goal of the 2018-19 season. Pearcy was in a slump before his goal, and because of his 4 pims on the season, was dead last in the points standings behind LTIR draft bust General McCracken.

Because of this slump, Seals GM Whoop Otto elected to relegate Pearcy to the Kamikaze Falcons of the Troy farm league for conditioning. Whoop Otto could not be reached for comment, as he was muted by the League. However, the faint sound of bells could be heard in the distance.

Pearcy’s goal came after 43 minutes of a slaughtering, while the KFalcs were down 4-0. The score looked bad, but that was mostly a defense problem. Lovable goalie Charles Machi did a great job, and the score shouldn’t reflect on his amazing goaltending. Anyway, Machi makes a beautiful pad save with minutes to go in the game, and Pearcy quickly picks up the puck for a rebound. Pearcy immediately started cheering up a storm after he squirted the puck past Machi, surrounded by his thrilled teammates! With the game on lock, Pearcy took a long deserved rest on the bench and let his team wind the clock down. Rumor has it he received his call up in the locker room, but it was just Whoop breathing heavily on the phone. The KFalcs would go on to lose 5-0.

From the desk of Charles Machi, this is Carlos Antonio Machismo signing out.