Byline: Detroit Zoo Zebra Exhibit

Controversy is no stranger to the league and it’s officials. Mired in conspiracy theories and innuendo, league founder and current Director of All Hockey Matters @ottotroy29 , is dealing with possible collusion. In question is the “relationship” between Director of Officiating @JgtWrubel and strong, late round defenseman having a bounce back year, current leader in defenseman points and inventor of the panty copter @pantydropper . Allegations of bribery, points adding (opposite of points shaving) and a possible sexual trist have been levied by the MNL Players Union. MNLPU President @hal has filed paperwork with the Ivory Tower for review. “When I was posting enormous points early in the season I had no problem with this… but Panty putting up these numbers? No way!” Hal stated.

Rumors have swirled that Drager has made back door deals with Russia, secret incentive laden contracts with super stars @hardyparty92 and @pauly and most disturbing accusations of improprieties between himself and Ducks Co-GM @Busta . “The guy is blatantly disrespecting this fine league” said the honorable @dslackerone. @chad_paulinski added “he has sold his soul to get the Nordiques a Stanley Keg. He should be embarrassed of himself”.

Panty’s alleged antics have not soured MNL fans in regards to All Star Voting. Drager currently leads all nominees in All Star Voting. “It’s pretty obvious that he’s in the lead… he controls the votes just like the stats” complained @pniphoratos . “Everyone knows that I should be the top vote getter by my grip strength alone!” A fan that asked to remain confidential offered an explanation for the overwhelming lead Drager holds in the votes. “He threatened me that he would default on my loan if I didn’t vote for him”. Quicken Loans declined to comment on these newest accusations but have not ruled out disciplinary actions against their employee.

Dickie Dunn