Last night, League Manager Jeremy Drager, Esq. subpoenaed CLAWZ PAWZ GM Cameron Clauser after failing to show to 5 consecutive court hearings. League Judge Andy Dragovic has enacted Habeas Corpus, demanding that Clauser appear to speak to his crimes of reassembling the Diques for a third time. Clauser is believed to be north of the border, hiding in Québec, hiding amongst his peers.

This led to a discussion of the constitutional rights of a League GM. The Miranda Rights from MNL are as follows:

You have the right to sub down. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of Slack. You have the right to a goalie. If you did not draft a goalie, one will be provided for you.

Coincidentally, one of the biggest use cases of these Miranda Rights is Wheelin’ Taylors G Officer Aaron Riley. His attendance has been nearly as sparse as Clauser’s, causing both Shakes/EveryTeam G Jeremy Coan and Sugar Cubes G John Floreno to face off against each other every week since Week 2.

“I just want to play against someone who isn’t Coan”
~Brian Bustamante

The legal ramifications of subbing in Goalies will be discussed at the MNL Manager’s Meeting this offseason.

“At the recommendation of my lawyer, I plead the five-hole”

From the 36th District Court, this is the Honorable Jarómy Drágr reporting.