Pearcy Suffers Near Fatal Butt-End
Byline: Wolfie’s BBQ Pub & Grub
The MNL league heated up last night with some feisty play and heated exchanges. Teams are in the middle of facing each other for the second time during spring play and tensions have grown. Clawz Pawz was still searching for their first victory of the season as they squared off against one of the leagues best teams, the Tenacious Taylors. The two teams consummated a trade two weeks ago exchanging @Peso for everyone’s favorite Canuck @dougefresh . This gave each player a chance to show their former clubs what a mistake they made by dispatching their services.
The game was a back and forth affair with multiple chances by each team to gain the lead. The Taylors opened the scoring followed by a dirty goal by @ottotroy29 assisted from @Tim D’Onofrio and Bin. “Our line is really gelling right now” said Turtle while he consumed 3 cheeseburgers in the parking lot. Otto would finish the night with two goals and the plush Pawz stuffed animal as Claw of the Game. Otto recalled his bid for a hat trick… “I was absolutely flying down the wing on a partial break away but Panty’s defensive prowess prevented me from scoring. I mean who can’t score when you play on a line with Turtle! The guy makes everyone better”. The capacity crowd was anticipating an Otto goal and then him riding his stick to the far goal line in celebration. Unfortunately @jjfloreno prevented it from happening.
The Taylors opted to promote Peso to the top line playing with @pniphoratos and @wright. With the absence of first rounder @shaun_alika the move proved to be perfect. The line combined for four goals, two each by the Greek Freak and Monette. “I really wanted to stick it to those fuckers” said a jubilant Peso. “I even taunted them by wearing my Dique socks!”. Looking to exact revenge, sub goalie @jcoan wanted to face the Wheeling Taylors. “@dslackerone is a dick” is all Coaner could mumble after suffering another disgraceful loss.
The game would not be without some rough stuff. Looking to snipe in the last minute of a 6-3 game, Peso was going full “Sugar” @hardyparty92 to complete his hat trick. “The game was already decided but that ass clown is selfish and wanted to score again” said stud defenseman @Pearcy. “I gave him a tiny shot to let him know he needed to settle down, i guess he didn’t like that”. Peso returned the favor by butt ending the man bun in the rib cage resulting in a grotesque bruise depicted in the picture above. “I tried to shake the guys hand in the parking lot but he wanted to be a tough guy. I would roll that dude up and smoke him like a giant fatty if he flexed up on me” recounted Monette. Peacemaker, Commissioner, Sexretary and all around good guy @pantydropper observed the tensions beginning to rise. Drager positioned himself between the two would be combatants to diffuse the situation. He warned both players that their conduct would be reviewed by league officials and told both parties to “chill the fuck out kids”.
A discussion ensued between league players about the on ice incident. @Hock argued that “a butt end is ten times worse than a slash”. @qziraldo rebutted with “Skillman @hefe6210 does that shit all the time!”. Others said it was a clear intent to injure and warranted a stiff penalty. League officials will contact Dickie Award Winner for Best Ref @brauny to seek advice and possible disciplinary actions. Sadly the cursed Pawz went down in defeat again. A dejected Bin sulked in the parking lot while enjoying a brat. “Panty subbed and got two victories tonight alone. I’ve only won two games since Christmas”. An inside source revealed that GM @CLAWZ is shopping Bin’s services around the league. “A blockbuster trade could be out there for an interested team to acquire him… but it will come with a cost”. All interested GM’s can contact the hot line at 1-800- GET-A-BIN.
MNL Editor in Chief
Dickie Dunn
