Byline: The gutter
This reporter has covered thousands of games and has used numerous superlatives to describe what I have witnessed… but today I find myself speechless. Version 2.1 of the Nordiques were handed one of the ugliest and worst beat downs in league history. Even with the scoreboard reading SugarCubes 9 PAWZ 3 It wasn’t that close. The Cubes surgically castrated and declawed the PAWZ. “It was a total shit show out there” said @nekogt6 . “I’m pretty sure it was 4-0 when warmups ended”. Goaltender @jcoan was bombarded with vulcanized rubber the entire game facing 67 shots. Coan was being iced down by the Cubes training staff after the game. “pucks were going in every direction. I didn’t know where I was. I kept passing out and then coming to again only to scoop another puck out of my net”. The onslaught would last the entire 45 minutes (minus the curfew clock).
The thorn in the side of Coaner was once again Brian Busta. He showed some filthy mitts and twisty wristies netting two beautiful high light reel goals. @antio1pd commented on Busta’s sudden surge in the goal department. “You know, it’s a contract year for him. He was pissed he didn’t win the Breakout Player of the Year Dickie last season”. This obviously is the motivation Busta needed to become an offensive dynamo. “It was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard” said @youngtr7 as he described Busta’s downbarski goal. As if Beethoven him self made those magical chimes off the crossy and posty.
Bustamante’s draft stock has sky rocketed. The spring league ninth round pick shares the lead in total points with MVP front runner @hardyparty92. “I’m just trying to do all the little things right” said a modest Jose Dirte @Busta. He has proven to be the catalyst for the Cubes success this post season. Looking on in disbelief, a puzzled @davep contemplated his game versus Dirte… “How’s do dis happen? I only has one point… He got fuckin’ 8”. Many unfortunate Pawz players are in the same position as Vape. @ottotroy29stated that he could score eight points a game too if he played on a line with Sug and @antio1pd.
The sadness continues for the latest rendition of the Nords. “I tell everyone that baby blue is vanquished from this locker room. Then DaveP shows up in all his regalia” said a frustrated Bin. @Tim D’Onofrio agreed with his line mate. “That’s clearly why we lost tonight. Well, maybe Busta and @brandtwill had something to do with it also”. This team has only won twice since Christmas and the morale is in the toilet. GM @CLAWZ needs to reach into his bag of tricks and find a solution. Via SKYPE Clawz put his team on notice. “Everyone is on the trading block. Pack your bags because you could end up playing for the Tallahassee Worthogs by the end of the day”. The message was clearly received by newly acquired defenseman @dougefresh. “I already have my picture on my hockey bag so I know which one is mine”.
Down in the Dumps
Dickie Dunn
