Byline: Home Depot Paint Isle
When the MNL league was formed Commissioner Roger Otto Goodel had a vision to create an empire where any team could beat the other on any given Monday night. His plan came to fruition and was exemplified during the playoffs… minus the miserable Nordiques organization. Two underdog teams, according to Johnny Avello of the Velvet Strip in Las Vegas, punched their ticket to the finals. “Both teams were -1.865 goals per game dogs on our betting line” said Mr. Avello. @ottotroy29 used his crystal ball and saw the Americans and Seals bring his mission statement of parody to life. “Everyone is equal except for my Northstars. But to keep my vision for the league intact I had to throw those games against the Seals”. According to teammate @dreamweaver “Troy is like the wizard behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz. He talks a big game but all he cares about are the players of MNL”
After learning of Otto’s master plan, brother and Seal @Todd Otto Whoop said “fuck him! I used to beat him up as a kid and I will again. We won fair and square!”. The game was a hard fought battle with goaltending at both ends showcased. Both Officer @ARiley and @jcoan stood on their heads. The game needed only one goal to be decided. “This is the greatest week of my life. I got engaged and eliminated those cocky Northstars” said a smiling @qziraldo . Nursing a torn labrum which was not revealed by team doctors until the Stars were eliminated, power forward General stated “I just joined this league for the beer anyway”. The greatest trade in league history propelled the Seals into the Championship Series. “Dumping @Peso and @mbooker to acquire top talents @dslackerone and goal scorer @dcunningham8 was huge for us” said @wilkie while having champagne dumped on his head by fellow team mate @shaun_alika .
A unique set of circumstances took place prior to the Friendship Series between the Nordiques and Whalers game. In a deal brokered by injured defenseman @pantydropper a representative from each team would engage in a draft. All members of each team were eligible to be selected. Representing team Bin United, Bin selected @hardyparty92 in the first round. “All my players were #1 picks” said league rookie pBin12. @youngtr7, picking for team Diquing Around countered with @pniphoratos and @tkshreve … And the draft was on. A key selection made by Bin was drafting @hal . Hal lead the team in scoring including a highlight reel goal. A crisp pass was thrown to Hal from the corner. Hal deftly deflected the puck through his legs and sent it upwards past Diquing Around goalie @jcoan . “I took up residence in my spot (sic: the goalies face) and tipped it goin’ top titties” said Doherty. Watching a simulcast on ESPNMNL, @chad_paulinski said “Hal is so much better than me”. The game ended 4-3 but it wasn’t that close. Diquing Around scored two late goals past @CLAWZ to make things interesting.
Both teams retired to the locker rooms in order to catch the dying minutes of the Northstars and Seals. But before Bin United left the room the sweet sounds of Keisha filled their ears. “Eye did dint make Bins team but eyes always likes to here Die Young” @davep eloquently orated. This reporter would like to congratulate the Americans and Seals for reaching the finals and confirming that PARODY makes this league special (again… this doesn’t apply to the Diques).
Bin United Field Reporter
Dickie Dunn
