The Infamous Paul Proctor’s Mismatched Socks

ESPN MTV MNL does not condone violence in any way other than dick punches and pony rides on the ice. Off the ice is a completely different story and actions will be dealt with accordingly. There is a ZERO tolerance policy for touching an official. No warning, doesn’t matter who you are, INSTANT ban will take effect. (Here at MNL we choose to yell at officials instead)

Coming up on E:60, the story of MNL great who wears mismatched socks to symbolize his greatness. North Stars continue phenomenal streak and super sub gets first ever ban for intolerable act of aggression.

The Proctologist, Doc Proc, The Doctor, two-two, 22, Golden Boy. He goes by many names as he sits atop his own Ivory tower with the 2016 Seals, Paul Proctor is a spectacular player and even better human being with one recognizable piece of apparel that he wears every game. Every game since he was a wee little lad, Paul has worn mismatched hockey socks. Today we are going to dive in deeper into this fashion statement as we sit down with Proctor for his first ever interview on the highly known subject that everyone wonders about.

Boostámenté: So Proctor, tell us a little bit about the most famous fashion statement since Paulinski and his cage, bin and his no cage, Cipps and his famous names on his sticks to your prestigious mismatch socks. They obviously bring you good luck being atop the stat sheet every week to winning the Stanley Keg last year as a Seal. How did this tradition of mismatch socks happen?

Proctor: It was an old fad that probably began when I first saw it in peewees. There was this kid I played against, we had a heated rival every time we played. He was a pest who was better than me and I fucking hated him because he had two different color socks. It was always in the back of my mind that he was better than me because of his different socks but I could not prove that. One day I was cherry picking in the neutral zone when I got a pass and started crossing over to gain speed, I lost an edge, ended up slicing one of my socks as I fell to the ice. I ended up sniping top cheddar from my knees but that is unimportant. My sock was torn to pieces so next game, I had to use a different colored sock. I thought about that kid I hated and decided that maybe it will help me score more and I could be the hated one for once. That game, I scored 9 goals, had 2 assists and beat a kids ass, so you could say there was some magic in the socks.

Boostámenté: Do you think the socks give you an advantage of any sorts or is all in your mind? I know you had a great first game with the new sock trend but what happens when they stop working, why continue to wear them?

Proctor: Whelp, it has become a way of life for me, I wear mismatched socks every day of my life, on and off the ice. I don’t even think twice about it, every time I put on the same socks, my feet burst into flames because they know its wrong. They don’t work every time on the ice but I have done well thus far so I stick with them. As for the advantage part, Id like to think it helps out a bit and acts as a camouflage when someone blindly passes the puck with a quick look up for sock color. It probably isn’t true but I like to think it impacts the other teams. It is more of a superstitious Pauly thing now more than anything.

Boostámenté: Are you flattered when other teams decide to wear mismatch socks? And do you think your socks attract some unwanted attention and put a target on your back?

Proctor: Other teams can do what they want with their uniforms, I just go out and play my game. If they want to mock me then go ahead but you will never be as good as me so I don’t mind. I think lately associating myself with America has been the primary reason for the target on my back. I have played many season with mismatched socks so I don’t think that would be the reason. Everyone hates America and I just happen to be on that side of the border. I slink through it and continue to try and do my job week in and week out.

You heard it hear first, supersticion keeps this trend alive along with a mental advantage. Thanks for sitting down with me, it is a great story for the kids to not be normal and do whatever makes you feel good. If that is wearing a visor and putting your mouth at danger then go for it. There are endless possibilities to be a unique individual, do what you want. superstitions are very common in everyday life/sports, like putting on your pants with you right leg first or left sock before the right sock. Thanks Paul, we look forward to seeing your different socks for years to come. Good luck the rest of the season.

next on E:60 we talk about the first ever ban of a player in MNL

Last night we have a vicious attack on an official that sent one player home for good with ZERO chance of playing in this league. League hopeful, Danny hull finally got his chance of playing for MNL after his draft status was changed to a 0 after quality play for the Americans. Tempers started flaring with a no goal call that seemed to be the reason that set hull off the edge. He confronted the official after the games to explain his dissatisfaction with the said official. Words were spoken, beer was poured and punches were thrown. Within minutes, hull was escorted out of the building, and banned from Slack and the League. The league was just starting to come around to the the Facebook Legend when he helped the league out of a jam last week by reffing. “He helped us out, so we helped him out by letting him play. I didn’t think it would end like this and it is a bad taste for him and the league” said League Comish, Troy Otto. MNL has no affiliation with that man, and he will not be allowed back under no circumstances. Dick punching is one thing, but you can never abuse an official…… non verbally I might add. You can harrass them verbally all you want (Not condoned but allowed) but violence is not the solution. This is a fun friendly league and there is no room for those actions here.

We are running out of time and I dont care to talk about the North Stars but thay have an impressive streak going and it doesnt have to do with wins. up next on E:60.

The North Stars who sit on the top of every ranking in the league are running away in the standings with few teams that have stopped them. Everyone is just a speed bump for this freight train of a team. Their win streak is impressive but there is an even more impressive streak that has gone unnoticed. They have had 4 games in a row with a player recording a hat trick. Chase “The General” McCrackin started off the trend 4 weeks ago, followed by Rattler, The General again and then this week, with league rookie, Jim “Dream” Weaver recording his first ever hat trick. He even came over to the scorers table and put everyone on notice that it was happening tonight and he was right. Very Impressive streak for any team to do, and they will look to have someone continue the streak next week against the Rookery of Seals coming into town.

That concludes this episode of E:60, we hope you enjoyed the story of the mismatched socks and impressive streak for the North Stars. Again we do not condone violence in this league and hope this was a one time occurrence. We appreciaite you guys tuning in, we will see you next week when we talk about another impressive streak of a Seal member who has yet to record a point. We would also like to congratulate Joe Brennan on his first point of the season. Congrats JB!

From Service.com’s main lobby, Shit Stirring Master-baiter Juan-Carlos Nicolás Xavier Santiago Mateo Boostámenté