Going into Monday night every sports book in Las Vegas had the vaunted Whalers as heavy favorites against the lowly Scouts. Gamblers across the MNL-is-Phere saw this matchup as easy money and heavily dropped dollar bills on the green and blue. After the Whalers jumped out to an early two goal lead in the first period ESPN had the Whaler probability winning percentage at 98.999% and degenerate gambling sharks like Woodsie, Soukas and Drago were counting there winnings. “I mean the Scouts had a punchers chance because they had Santi in net… but c’mon? They are the Scouts” said Paul Antioch who was seen in the lobby post game selling fake Rolex watches out of his trench coat. Figuring the game was not in doubt the Whalers relaxed a bit in the second stanza allowing the Scouts to score twice with goals from lovable Cipparone and one of the leagues most underrated defensemen Shepard. The Scouts looked to shake things up in the match, deploying an offensively struggling Paulie Proctor to defense to ignite a spark. “I had some chances but what were they thinking? I didn’t even know there was a ‘defensive’ zone on the ice”. The Scouts had the Whalers on the ropes and had betters biting their respective nails. The game would come down to a faceoff in the Scouts end with four minutes to go. Cipps leaned in against Slick Rick for the draw. Rick won the draw, tied up his centerman, retrieved his own puck, circled through the high slot as the seas parted and ripped a wrist shot against a helpless Santi to take a late 3-2 lead. Even with the netminder pulled and aggressive deep end play the Scouts could not slip a biscuit past a solid Johnny G. “There was a rugby scrum in front of the net in the end and I was just sticking people and crosschecking dudes with all my might. I even stuck my own LeRoy in the chops. Anything not to lose to those bottom dwellers” smirked future G.O.O.N. James Wruble. As a dejected bunch slunk out to the Labatt Blue Party Deck an anonymous Scout was asked by former league MVP Chad Paulinski ‘So what do you guys do now?’. The response Chad got was “Were all in that locker room with our fingers crossed that RAllen will trade us”. Not a great season going for the Scouts. They sit in the basement, have only scored 16 goals in ten games and worst of all have lost to a team with DaveP on it twice! “Fack all yo guyz and suk on my ballz” DaveP eloquently retorted.

Send recommendations for depression and grief counseling….

Dickie Dunn