Byline: Week 7
This is not a typo… CLAWZ PAWZ wins it’s first game if the spring season. The PAWZ mounted a ferocious comeback last night to steal a victory from the Sugarless Cubes. Without league mvp front runner @hardyparty92 the Cubes relied upon Captain Jack Seda @jserda to supply the goals they needed to win. Unfortunately the Cubes did not count on the Clawz to muster up such an amazing effort. “This was a statement game for our club. I garunteed this W” said goalie turned sniper @ottotroy29 . The sentiment in the victorious Nordique version 3.2 seems to be making a deep run in the playoffs. “What was the question Dickie?” said an exuberant @Tim D’Onofrio “I can’t hear shit over this fuckin’ Ke$ha song!” CLAWZ won the game in a shoot out 4-3.
In the lineup sans his big brother @jellis was goal scorer Jumpin Jim Ellis @jellis_m . The younger and more handsome Ellis banged in a rebound to open the scoring. “I’ve been working on my wrister in the backyard and it seems to be paying off” said Jim. For his efforts he was awarded the prestigious stuffed Paws player of the game award. “Jimmy was outstanding tonight. That line had some chemistry” said @Pearcy . On the line was pesky sniper @davep who eloquently commented “did you’s sea dat goal I scurred? I’m gonna catch Pistol in da points race!”.
The Pawz found themselves down 2-1 in the third until free agent pick up @allanz caught a pass mid flight from @dougefresh . Z looked off a wide open Bin on a two on one and blasted a clapper over the catching glove of @jjfloreno . From the bench @smatchmo muttered “he better pass it to Bin” but as the wicked shot clanged off the bar Neville knew that the black biscuit was in the proper hands of Allan Z. The Cubes once again took the lead and with only 1:30 left on the clock Officer AARon @ARiley was lifted for an extra attacker. At that very moment Turtle delicately slip a puck over to Vape camped out in the goal mouth and he made no mistake about it and found theback of the net. Regulation time expired and it was assumed the game would end in a draw. But…….
From an open gate on the far side of the ice, a powerful man appeared. It was league royalty @pantydropper who was about to declare in succinct fashion how the game would be determined… “I hereby command both teams to duel in a shootout!” Pawz elected to shoot first. A short, fat Fire Marshal picked up the puck at center ice and swung wide. Bin ever so slightly made a head fake which opened up JFlo’s wickets and he sent it through the five hole. From the bench the voice of the team Troy announced that when Riley stops Serda we are all gonna mob our goalie. On cue, Riley made the stop and the Pawz flooded onto the ice in celebration. But… like a premature ejaculation the celebration was too early. Panty vehemently scorned the team to get back to their bench because it was a three person shootout. Luckily for the Pawz no one else could score and the lone Bin goal stood and secured the victory.
Team owner and President of Hockey Operations @CLAWZ was notified via Snapchat that his team finally over came it’s winless drought. “I couldn’t be more happy for the boys. One of these days I may even play a game”. Plans for the victory parade in the streets of Hazeltucky are being scheduled and not available at the time of this article. The boys will have two weeks to bask in the glory of victory due to no games being played on Memorial Day. “I’m happy for Bin” said a concerned @qziraldo “the guy has only won two games since Christmas. His psyche really needed this”.
Break Up the Pawz,
Dickie Dunn
