Traditionally the last week of the MNL regular season play is fraught with drama and games mattered to determine who’s in and who’s out or settling playoff seeding. This year… not so much. The wildcard seedings had been set, the top two teams used the week as a practice and the Tigers were just playing out the season. But… as MNL lore would have it, this seemingly pointless week was filled with theatrics. Three all time league records were tied or broken during an epic defensive struggle between the Whalers and Tigers resulting in a 10-7 game.
The most significant record achieved on this glorious night was Jeremy Cowboy Coan scoring six goals in one game, matching a fete by Drake Arby’s Braun earlier in the season. “I told my team that we were gonna put Coaner on defense in our SLACK channel” commented Dylan Goose Lessner “but this was all a ploy. I knew he would blow up for us as a sniper. As the saying goes… Everyone here is playing checkers while I am playing Monopoly!”. Goose’s prophecy would come true as Coan downright ass raped Riley and the Tigers all night, coming one goal short of the outright record. “I wasn’t sure that Coan could even skate backwards so I thought it was odd to have Goose put him on D” said James Wruble who also scored on the evening. “Heez finna need two ice his arms cuz he scored so much” said a gleeful Dave P while sipping a cold Labatt Blue Light on the Party Deck. The game would also match the record for most goals by one team (10) in a game and the most goals combined by both teams in a game at 17. Guest Whaler sub and Nordiques GM Panty Dropper was a little annoyed by his fellow team mates performance. “The kid scores 8 goals for the Nords all year and then let’s loose on a six goal onslaught in one night? I mean, c’mon?” The six pack would come against a Tiger team who also had some great performances in the same game. Pauly 22 Proctor would net a hatty against his lifelong nemesis goalie Andrew Keila while Uncle Whoop had two slam dunk goals. “I feel like Jared Goff throwing 5 interceptions in a game but still winning” described Keila on giving up seven as a substitute netminder. “Doesn’t matter because I still won”.
Fellow players sought out Coan post game to congratulate him. Captain Tom Phillips told him “What? You can’t beat them by yourself? They had 7 and you only had 6”. Bob Gibb just wanted to be in Coan’s proximity stating “Maybe some of his mojo will rub off on me”. A verklempt Trent Young was so overcome by Coan’s performance that he was not even able to look at him in the eyes. “I didn’t feel worthy of being in the same room as him”. But not all bystanders were pleasant to Coaner. Drake Braun, who’s record he tied, attempted to spear the power forward with a cheap shot as he was exiting the building before being intercepted and disarmed by Brandon Batchelder. “I told him to let Cowboy have his moment…you will see him again in the playoffs!” Great game Coaner!
Dickie Dunn
