With his meteoric rise in popularity, famous penis enlargement company Nugenix has sign David Vape Podolan as it’s newest spokesman. After another spectacular fantasy hockey performance on Monday night Vape received two phone calls from some very famous people… former Chicago White Sox slugger Frank ‘The Big Hurt’ Thomas and Flutie Flakes creator Doug Flutie. “We approached Mr. Podolan to come aboard as the newest spokesperson of Nugenix. He has all the qualities that we represent. A touch with the ladies, eloquent conversational skills and a huge DICK” said Thomas. No one since Taylor Swift has anyone ever captured the collective imagination of a fan base. Vape is a force to be recon with right now and company’s are lining up to garner his support. Vape has signed multiple NIL contracts with companies such as Hooked on Phonics, Great Smile Dentistry, Puff Cannabis and the non profit organization Little People of America. “Eye is jus so good write now” commented Podolan “Eye so good at scoring dat April prolly gets pregnant again cause everthing I shoots goes in”.
The MNL NIL deals are not just impacting DaveP. Taco Bell has recently signed league favorite Charles Big Sexy Cat Machi to a lifetime deal. In exchange for Charles’ likeness, Taco Bell has supplied him with a lifetime supply of chalupa’s as long as he wears these…
I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
As far as the action… The Whalers look unstoppable. Going back to last season the cetacean’s have won 8 of their last 9 games. Backstopped by goaltender Johnny G, the green and blue are undefeated allowing the fewest goals in the league. The North Stars continue stay in the win column with a win over the Americans. Even the promise of a free case of beer supplied by former 22 Paul Proctor could not coax a win for the Americans. “The $20 bounty for a hat trick against Keila is still up for grabs” said Proctor.
In a matchup of the bottom dwellers, the Nordiques held on for a 2-1 victory against the lowly Scouts. “When you hold a team to 2 goals in a beer league matchup you should come out with a win” said Scout GM RAllen. Crafty league veteran Panty Dropper subbed in the hottest player in the league Sugar for the absent Chris Pfister. “I am a little disappointed in Sugars performance for us last night. The dude averages 4.5 goals a game. We should have won 6.5-1 instead”. Rumors are swirling that the Scouts need to make deals to improve their club. Here are some thoughts… Scouts send Proctor and Wright to the Americans for Arby’s and Turnbull. Scouts send Peso to the Whalers for the hot Vape. Three way deal… Scouts get Serda, Diques get Bin and Americans get the ‘Indefatigable’ Pistol Pete.
As a non-member of the fraternal order of MNL goalies association, you guys need to chill the fuck out. How in the hell did the goaltending in this league get so good? Beer league games are supposed to be high scoring, not 2-1 with Patrick Roy inspired netminding. Knock it off puck stoppers!
Dickie Dunn
