Last week, on the opening night of the New Year, MNL got off to a familiar start. Whalers and Maroons win, Nordiques atop the power rankings, and it felt like 2023 was going to come to a predictable, boring, conclusion.

Well, New Years brings New Year Resolutions. When we caught up with league commissioner, Panty D. Ropper, we got an inside view to the leagues thoughts on the start of 2023.

“After the first games of the year, we in the Ivory Tower got together to discuss a very real problem. Are we getting too boring? Too predictable? How can we give back to the MNL community in a way that we can spice up the new year AND write off on our taxes?”

Mr. Ropper – League Commissioner Jan 3rd 2023

It didn’t take long before we got to see the league’s response. Make-a-Wish day, Jan 9, 2023! With fan in the stands, the league gave back to the bottom half of the standings and gave those teams a night they will never forget!

All aspects of the night were thought through for maximum fun and safety. Before the ceremonial puck drop, members of MNL got together to go through volunteer AED training with Bin. In the event that one of these sick teams collapsed in the 3rd period, these new volunteers were ready to leap to action and resuscitate.

“These teams are on playoff life support, so any accident could prove fatal to their post seasons hopes. Last thing we want is for someone like the North Stars to flat line out there, so we as league leaders need to be prepared.”

Paul”Bin” Biliti – Fire marshal and Alternate Captain of the Maroons

This extra precaution turned out to be completely unnecessary as the night went perfectly to plan.

• The North Stars got to “shut down” league super star The Drake
• The Tigers “blew up” Vezina front-runner “Panger” Mark Pangrazzi
• The Americans got to storm and occupy the Maroons’ net

With a great night coming to a close, the league feels refreshed and fun again. Parity was on display, and spirits flew high as the league’s top 3 all “totally collapsed”. As renewed friends shared beer and chips on the Labatt Blue Party Deck, there was a final moment of silence for the Seals who unfortunately couldn’t make it to “Make-a-Wish” night, as they were in too critical of condition to travel.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Seals organization tonight. We were heartbroken they couldn’t make it tonight, but it seems their playoff hopes are on permanent life-support. They most likely don’t have much longer to hunt, but we are thinking of them on this wonderful night.”

Anonymous Ivory Tower GM – Jan 9th 2023

— Senior Reporter Mr.Left