The Whalers continued their stellar play Monday night with a 5-3 victory over the Maroons. The Whalers finish off their first rotation through the league with a record of 4-0-1 and have set the gold standard for team play. The Whale are flush with MVP talent with the likes of 2021 MVP Chad “I’m Really Not That Good” Paulinski, 2021 MVP Runner Up Clarles “Big Cat Energy” Machi and 2022 MVP front runner Drake “Arby’s” Braun. The trio combined for four of the five goals this week with their ‘looping’ style offensive play. “They are stepping up for us big time” said GM Dylan Lessner, who added “Did you see the tits on that bitch that Sikorski posted yesterday?”.
The Maroons jumped out to an early lead with a beaty snipe from sub Slick Rick, who was in for first overall pick Sugar Shawn Hardy who was taking his 16th vacation trip of the year. The Whalers quickly answered the tally with several of their own. Backstopped by spectacular play of goaltender Ryan Z, the gray and blue clad ice artists circled their way around the offensive zone taking advantage of quality high slot shots and back door passes. 10th Rounder Charles “is a force to be reconned with in front of the cage” said Maroon defender David Judge. Machi would finish the night with two Gino’s leaving him one shy of the Hat Trick Lounge.
The game was hard fought and closer than the score reflected. A late game clock malfunction displayed the Whalers with a three goal rather than the accurate two goal differential. “That was fuckin’ bullshit” exclaimed a vexed Woodsie. “That messed with our team’s mental psyche. It’s different if your down 2 rather than 3 in the wanning moments and you play stop time! WTF? If I wasn’t such a demure hockey player I would have given someone a piece of my mind!”.
The Maroons look to bounce back next week when they play the Disco Diques. “We will have our leader DougE back next week” explained GM Brian Pearcy. DougE has been out two consecutive weeks after suffering post marathon exercise associated hyponatremia. “I’m working on getting my body back to normal” said DougE who suffered from explosive diarrhea during the 7 bridges Marathon in Chattanooga TN. “Some athletes call it runner’s trots. Others refer to it as the Gingerbread Man. It’s the sudden and explosive need to empty one’s bowels in the heat of a race. It basically looks like the Americans this year”.
Hat’s off to MNL royalty Panty Dropper for netting his first career goal!!! Great post game interview and more importantly what a beautiful head of hair. Dickie was contacted by Pantene and requested a sit down to negotiate a commercial deal.
Dickie Dunn
