Byline: Locker Room 8 NHL Rink
Monday night marked the fourth straight week that neither the Tigers nor the Americans were able to capture their first victories of the season. Combined, both franchises are a dismal 0-7 with a minus 20 goal differential. “These two jokes of a team are the MNL version of the Lions” snickered a victorious Whaler Dylan Loosey Goosey Lesner. “They can’t even beat an old goalie turned power forward”. Both clubs have tried different line combinations and offensive strategies to no avail. A new and bold strategy must be considered and it was murmured in the Tiger locker room shower after a 6-2 loss.
Captured by a hidden microphone, MNL beat reporter Chad Paulinski overheard a private conversation between American GM Paul Antioch, who subbed for the Tigers in the loss, and an unknown player. In an excerpt from the wire tap Antioch can be overheard suggesting “What if we merged our teams? We can divide the teams and create a Varsity and JV team. Then maybe at least half of us would have a chance to compete in this league”. The recording goes on to say “I wouldn’t have a problem sending Dave P down to the JV and fuck Hetes. He can suck a bag of dicks. I’d rather keep Keila who only gave up 12 goals in two games last night”.
When asked for comment co Tiger GM’s RAllen and Jeff Skillman refused to speak to the media. Skillman was later heard whispering “It might not be a bad idea”. League sources did not make an official statement but said they would consider the proposal. MNL founder Troy Otto was open to the move… “I feel bad for both of those teams. Guys like Brauny, Femm and Serda are used to winning because I have coached them in the past. Let them make an alleged ‘all star’ team. The North Stars would still kill them”.
The possible merger would be unprecedented for the league but not unheard of. In 1945 the Brooklyn Dodgers of the NFL merged with the Boston Yanks to form the Brooklyn Tigers who didn’t have a great deal of success, posting four winning seasons in 15 years. If this plan comes to fruition for the Americans and Tigers here are some projected lines to consider.
Femm – Serda – Kimmel Bin – Skillman – Antioch
Vape – Shepard Judge – Simonelli
Many players on these beleaguered clubs still yearn for a chance to win their fir Stanley Keg. The merger would not guaranty a championship for the ‘Amer-igers’ but would give guys like Bin, Vape, Femm, Kimmel and Judge a chance at the estranged Stanley Keg that has escaped their grasps. “Cominationing deez teams may be mine only way to win da Keg” Dave P eloquently pontificated.
Dickie Dunn
