Controversy sullied what should have been an exciting game when North Stars stud Tim Kimmel was deemed ineligible to participate in the game’s shootout after he had already scored to keep his team alive. Kimmel was apparently ineligible due to a penalty he was serving at the end of overtime, but sources indicate Kimmel was not the player in the box at the end of the game.

A horse and buggy in the parking lot and carpentry tools left in the penalty box suggest that it was none other than renowned shitposter Zeke Rawlins who was serving the North Stars penalty. This means that Kimmel was actually innocent and should have been eligible to play and his scratch was a travesty. When asked his thoughts, Kimmel responded, “I’M NOT ZEKE RAWLINS. FUCK THAT GUY. WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I’M ZEKE?!” Rawlins has been reached for comment, but the pony express only picks up at his homestead once every 6 weeks. We will update this article when we receive his response.

Due to his disappointment in the refs’ handling of this situation, league megaphone Troy Otto has enlisted the services of veteran referee Roy Blotto to handle the diques seals series. Troy stated, “I’m not only doing this because my team got screwed. I saw a too many men call that wasn’t caught. And panty just sat there and accepted it. We need more integrity in this league and I think a ref shakeup will do that.”

Roy Blotto will be a welcome addition to the league with his no nonsense attitude and consistent calls. Roy realizes that all infractions, no matter how small or big, are the same. To quote “If it were up to me the diques should have forfeited after that too many men penalty. Nuance is dead. I promise to make sure the diques pay, I mean, the games are fair, or my name isn’t Troy Otto!”

From the writer’s block, this is Carlos Antonio Machismo signing out!