March 29, 2021, Week 19

It was the strangest of nights last night in the MNLHL. Team managers league wide scrambled for suitable substitute players to round out their squads. According to nationally acclaimed accountants Price Waterhouse Coopers 41.2% of the players who skated last night were subs. “If you were tuning in to MNL-TV last night for the first time it wasn’t a great reflection of our league” said power forward Brian Bustamante Rodriquez. “The play of all four of the late game teams really suffered because there were so many tired dudes out there”. For the casual MNL fan a lot of “out of the norm” things occurred last evening. Here are some observations…

• The mighty Whalers got thoroughly curb stomped by the Golden Seals
• Sugar and Wruble will not be exchanging Christmas cards this year
• LeRoy is a massive human being who plays great positionally. He is also an enthusiast of having an anatomically correct dildo on the end of his stick nicknamed “the ole shillelagh”
• Panty Dropper has luscious flow and is now a member of  the All Pantene Pro Team replacing M. Taylor
• The Boston Bruins are pursuing Charles Big Cat Machi to fill the void left by Cam Neely’s retirement 25 years ago
• The Whalers 5 on 3 powerplay was sick… capped off with a beauty one timer from Simonelli. Asked for a comment on the Labatt Blue Party Deck Alan said “yeah, I probably make that same shot 13 out of 15 times”
• The Americans will not go down without a fight. “America, as a country is known for rising to the occasion. This team of Americans is no different” Paul Antioch
• “Let’s stick Whoop at the far blue line so the Nordiques defense has to account for him” was NOT a great strategy
• Woodsie is the front runner for two year-end Dickie Awards as of now… Darius Kasperitis Hack of the Year and the Troy Otto Cry Sack Award
• Everyone misses Gio
• Cowboy Big Rig Coan looks handsome in a 46L smoking jacket sitting in the Hat Trick Lounge
• The Drake is the most cordial young man inside the faceoff circle. He was kind to his elders the North Stars by saying yes sir, no sir and I’m sorry sir after the puck dropped
• Matt Jagr Taylor is averaging 1.94 goals per game this season
• Loosey Goosey’s GAA went up by 0.32 goals per game by allowing seven Gino’s last night and coincidentally his BAC went up by double that
• What member of the Ivory Tower allowed Paul Wolfe to sub last night and not require him to bring his grill?

Dickie Dunn