Byline: Locker Room Area

Many sports facilities across North America have had to make sweeping changes during these epidemic times in order to facilitate games, practices, fans and teams. Viking Ice Arena has followed suit by implementing social distancing, temperature checks and mandating facemasks. Arena officials have now stepped up their game to accommodate the aged North Stars of the Monday Night Lights Hockey League. “We want to upgraded our shower facilities inside both rinks with new Premier Care walk in tubs” said rink manager Larry Knapp. A Freedom of Information Act request to the City of Hazel Park revealed that North Stars GM and notorious ambulance chaser attorney Troy Otto filed suit against the City claiming that the rink did not comply with ADA guidelines allowing his aged team mates barrier free access to the showers. Speaking on his Jitterbug telephone and eating his dinner at 3pm from his location inside Bill Knapps Otto surmised the lawsuit…”My team is fuckin’ ancient. We obviously needed the walk in tubs to refresh ourselves after victories. Rubber matts, slippery seats and rickety rails all rely on our own balance to keep us safe. Premier Care walk in bath tubs allow us safe, easy and elegant entry to bathe and shower, which we love”. Local voters will have a voice in the decision to implement these changes for the green and gold. A .10 millage is on the docket amongst the race for President today in Hazel Park. HP resident Kyle Bauer says the millage is a no-brainer. “Have you seen the average age of my team? I mean Old Man Eidt is like 99 years old!” Other options for funding have been discussed including a grant from the AARP, Alzheimers Association of America and the American Society of Aging.

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