Byline: Hazel Park Viking Arena

What a glorious night it was Monday as Season 5 of the most prestigious beer league in the world, MNL kicked off. The league was threatened and held hostage by Michigan Governor Stretchin’ Gretchen Whitmer of not starting on time due to the Covid Pandemic. Convinced that the players would be safe, the Governor ordered the commencement of the season thanks to some behind closed doors talks with league founders Panty Dropper and Troy Otto. “We only had to concede an autographed Paul Proctor jersey and a weekend with Dylan Loosey Goosey to get her to come around to our way of thinking” said Drager. Six of the leagues seven teams kicked off opening night. It was a time for established veterans to build their teams, rookies to make an immediate impact and returning players to show off why we missed them and are happy to have them back in the fold. Here are some of Dickie’s observations from Week 1…

• Matt Taylor is a beast. When asked for comment on the season he stated “I’m gonna fill the net with pucks and Skillman can fuck off!”
• Was that Rob Niedermayer out there or Chad Paulinski?
• Bill Suits is not a fan of Peso. Overheard him chastising Mr. Monet not to slash him “on the skin”.
• Rookie Nordique goalie Sam is unorthodox but battles. Antioch had the tying goal on his stick in the dying seconds but couldn’t get it past the trapper.
• Pfister does what Pfister does…. scored again.
• Gio is already forming the German Elite MNL League and there will be a World Championship every year in Amsterdam sponsored by OFP..
• Chris Taylor is a very unselfish player who gifted Sugar with an open net instead of scoring himself. Also has set the MNL record for fastest wardrobe change ever.
• Virtual Teacher Wilkie is almost as fun as Summer Wilkie.
• Cowboy Coan has a wicked backhand.
• Even though the league discontinued it’s affiliation with Dangle Sauce we still don’t have uniforms.
• Uncle Pfister is awesome!
• Troy went the whole game without verbally assaulting anyone and got away with an obvious interference penalty.
• Can someone confirm there was a Dangle Dangleson sighting???
• The North Stars are looking to get into a 60 and over league.
• Were gonna miss Cry Sack of the Year winner Spicy Lettuce.
• Beers just taste better with all the boys on the Labatt Blue Part Deck!!!

It was great to see everybody again. Let’s have a great season!

Dickie Dunn