Byline: Labatt Blue Party Deck
If it were possible to shoot a time capsule into space with a message for other civilizations to find, we need to send a video of last nights game to represent what MNL hockey is all about! The Tigers and North Stars thoroughly entertained all three people watching the game live with speed, grit, determination, energy, skill and controversy. In the three years I have covered the MNL league this by far was the fastest game I have ever seen. I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision in the press box several times because I thought I was watching a Junior A game. I asked Uncle Pfister if the first game was this fast and he said “Uhh… nope”. Both teams combined to score 9 goals and both goalies played fantastic. The game was high flying and “open” style reminiscent of the early 1980’s. Magnificent passing led to glorious opportunities by both sides and all twenty-two men who played contributed in the outcome.
The North Stars secured the victory on the back of the Greek Freak Pistol Pete Niphoratos. Pistol opened the scoring a mere 8 seconds into the match flipping a rainbow over the Spicy One. “I wanted to stand in Hetes’ face and scream HEEEEETTTTEEEESSSS but I knew I would score more on him and I didn’t want him to cry” said Pistol. Pete finished the night with a hatty. North Star veteran Troy Otto continued his stellar play on the season ripping a top down wrister from the slot later in the game. “I just do what I do… and that’s snipe” said Otto.
The Tigers had plenty of fire power themselves. Led by the luscious flowing locks of Matt Taylor, the Tigers pestered Officer Riley all night. “I thought Baby Poo Bear Matt Lepoudre was outstanding for us” said second line tough guy Sikorski. Lepoudre had several rockets on net from the point that directly led to goals for the black and gold. The game was back and forth all night until the North Stars scored late to take a 5-4 lead. Which brings us to the climax of the story…
With a minute and a half to go in the contest the Tigers lifted their netminder for an extra attacker. Play was scrambly but the Tigers forced a face off deep in the North Stars end with 6 seconds remaining. Both referees quickly got together and decided to keep one of them on the goal line and in position for a potential scoring chance. Referee Bin would drop the biscuit betwixt the two centers and Referee Rob would be in position near the net. The Tigers won the draw as the wingers crashed the net. As the shot from the slot found its way on goal and eventually into the net, a mass of humanity dislodged it (at least 8-10 inches) and the whistle was blown.
Players from each team sprinted towards Rob in protest who had declared “NO GOAL”. When asked for comment referee Rob had this to say. “Hetes should just worry about stopping pucks and stay out of my face”. Referee Bin McCauley, who is the older and much more handsome brother of NHL referee Wes McCauley confirmed that it was a No Goal as the net was out of position prior to the puck entering the goal. “That was a great game but I can assure everyone that the correct call was made. Rob was in perfect position to make the call he did” said Bin while sipping on an ice cold Labatt Blue.
Tigers goalie Andrew Spicy Lettuce Hetes was irate after the game. He was observed storming out of the rink swearing that he will never play in another game with those referees. He could not be reached for comment but his agent released a statement on his behalf…
Mr. Hetes strongly disagrees with the decisions made by this officiating crew. He holds Rob, Bin and the Ivory Tower responsible for this travesty. Mr. Hetes will be making a statement live tonight from the Well on the weekly Podcast. We have no further comment. And Troy can fuck off!
Dickie Dunn
