The outcome of the game between the Seals and Ducks was determined quickly last night. In fact, the game was over seven seconds into the match. This was a game that the Ducks needed their best effort to stay off life support but they fell flat on their faces in an embarrassing 7-1 loss. “It was not the effort I expect from my players” said a dumbfounded Brian Bustamante. “My players better get a good night sleep because I am gonna bag their asses at a no puck skate for 4 hours tomorrow!” Ducks brass is currently taking phone calls to shake up their lineup. “No reasonable offers will be turned down” said Co-GM Turlte Tim D’Onofrio. Rumors are swirling that Turtle himself has shopped his name out there. Not only did the Seals thoroughly dismantle their opponent, they re-wrote the MNL record books. Three league records were either broken or tied last night. Here is the list…
   Biggest Win Differential- 6, Ties the record shared by the 16 Seals and the 17 North Stars. It wasn’t even this close. The Seals took their foot off the gas entering the third period. It could have been 12-1.
   Fastest Goal to Start a Game- 7 seconds, Twisted Pfister won the opening draw, split the two Dmen who thought the game started at 9:30pm and used Ducks goalie Ryan Z like his personal play toy. Pfister finishes the game with 2G’s and an apple. Still considered only the second best Pfister in the arena last night behind Uncle Pfister!
   Most Points in a Game- 5, ShaunE ties multiple players with five points in a single game. More impressive was ShaunE’s natural hat trick. The only thing #51 couldn’t do last night was avoid locking himself outside the arena during his celebration and autograph signing on the Labatt Blue Party Deck.
   The pairing of ShaunE and Pfister is akin to the 1984/85 Edmonton Oilers. Wayne Gretzky and line mate Jari Kurri combined for 343 points that year with 208 and 135 respectively. The MNL has not seen two more prolific team mates since the Proctor/Sugar Nordique combination of 2016. These two MVP candidates currently account for 71% of the Seals goal scoring.

Dickie Dunn