Byline: Bottom of the Standings
Week 6 of the MNL season was of significant importance for two Clubs trying to stay out of the cellar. The North Stars squared off with the Ducks and the winner would remain in the playoff picture. “It’s early in the campaign but this was a do or die game for us” said North Star rear guard Ryan Moffesoli. The North Stars rallied back to score a 2-1 victory and leap frog the Ducks in the standings. From a dirty rest area in the greater Boston area team GM Troy Otto commented on his teams performance. “I’m so proud of the boys and the effort they gave me. Gio and Vape were awesome, Tye not so much. We will take the points and everyone in the league can suck it! WERE BACK BABY!” The game was relatively evenly matched. Both teams are built similar and mirror its strengths and weaknesses. Both goalies played spectacular with big stops at critical moments of time. Scoring is at a premium for both clubs and it proved to be that the first team to 2 goals wins it.
The Ducks opened the scoring with a pretty goal by Bin. Skating through the neutral zone he received a tape to tape crisp pass from a head manning Brauny. Bin chipped the puck passed a pinching Judge and dangled Maff through the legs before collecting the biscuit in the slot. Being pulled down from a back checking North Star, Bin deposited the puck five hole past spicy goalie Andrew Hetes. Hetes was not pleased with Bin crashing in to him after scoring and unleashed a string of obscenities toward head official Trent Young. “It’s total bullshit man! You can’t fuckin’ do that! Bin’s a dirt bag… thats why he is wearing #63 this year. Just like that douchebag Marchand”.
The third period featured a goal for the North Stars by He Suits He Scores who was not picked up by the Ducks defense. Meandering through the slot Suits netted a rebound goal to tie the score before a defender could lift his stick. The game came down to the wire as everyone in the rink was preparing for Bender Overtime. The two North Star super subs for the night decided they did not want to watch such pitiful overtime hockey and finished the comeback with just over a minute to go in regulation. Diminutive forward Dave P found the Itallian Stallion in full flight. Gio crossed the blue line and and was hit with a perfect pass right in stride. The result was Gio on a breakaway and he was able to slide it through goaltender Ryan Z. “Eye past dat puck so purfect eye got a little boner” said a gleeful Vape. Through a translator a grateful Gio exclaimed “Vincitore vincitore cena a base di pollo (winner winner chicken dinner)” after the goal.
Ducks GM Brian Bustamante lifted goalie Ryan Z for an extra attacker but his team could not muster the game tying goal sending the Ducks to 1-3-0-1 on the young season. The Ducks will be without Tim D’Onofrio for the next six weeks who is out with an unconfirmed case of salmonella bacteria poisoning from touching a wild turtle. This prompts the question as to what to do with the roster. Calls and discussions are currently happening with the Ivory Tower to supplement the roster void. Rumors of Scott Choden, Chet Steadman, Bin’s brother named Bin, Poopy Pants and even Kirk Maltby have emerged. “We need to do fucking something” said a frustrated Sugar Hardy. “I don’t have any space out there when other teams shadow me all game… give me some fuckin’ speed to work with!”. Look for the Ducks to shake their tail feathers and make major changes through trades and free agent acquisitions. As of now they are Dead Ducks!
Reporting from the Cellar of the Madison Heights Fire Department St# 1
Dickie Dunn
