Byline: Candlewood Suites, Lansing MI

Sixty six MNL players somehow made it through the summer without meaningful hockey to play. Some underwent extreme physical transformations by working out while others worked on their mental game. Alas, on Monday night all of the waiting and anticipation was unleashed. The game scheduled for the premium slot of 9pm featured the newly clad Americans hosting the Golden Brown Seals. Donned in beautiful new sweaters, the league has solidified it’s grasp of being the most professional beer league in the Great Lakes region. “Dangle Sauce really hit it out of the park this year” said league embassador @ottotroy29. “Too bad they can’t get the socks and shells right. Im hoping their in by Christmas!”.

Both teams came out ready and rejuvenated with their new rosters. Each club was looking to establish their dominance. The Americans cashed in first and we’re lead by the newly crowned Captain America @antio1pd. The first period of play was carried by the red white and blue. It proved to be the only period that they won. The ice surface tilted in the Seals direction for the rest of the game. They would score three unanswered to win the game 3-1. “If it wasn’t for goalie @Tom Leader the score would have been much worse” said defensive stalwart @bbalasia.

The second line of the Seals is formidable. The Moose & Squirrel combination of @davep and @hefe6210 Skillman may prove to be the edge they need to make a long playoff push. “Eye wuz so grate out their. Mee and Skillman are gonna score more goalz then any uther second line” said the diminutive VapeD. The Americans used sub @ctaylor14 in a defensive role to fill the void left by Bin who remains out if the line up until October due to a gruesome sports hernia. They will need to rely on grinders @smachi, @nekogt6 and @dreamweaver to compete in this year’s crop of stacked MNL teams.

On a lighter note… Here are my ratings on the most beautiful jerseys in the league. 1. Northstars: classy and excellent color contrast. The verticle stripe across the front is perfect. Plus the black makes Otto seem slimmer! 2. Seals: Are you kidding me with the brown? Fricken love it. I would make everyone paint their buckets the same color brown. A nod to the early years of hockey. 3. Nordiques: A slightly different shade of baby blue but still magnificent and accented with the fleu de lis. Nice touch @pantydropper. 4. Americans: The classic sweater. If they only had matching socks the ensemble would be complete. Fuck You Dangle Sauce. 5. Whalers: Its hard to get rid of one of the most beloved logos in sports history. Management went with a baby guppy as a crest. Not a huge fan of it but will still look great in all green. 6. Mighty Ducks: Bland and uninspiring. Just like my jersey ranking they will finish dead last in the standings. Suck it @Tim D’Onofrio!

Along with stealing the show last night on the ice, Seals F Shaun Eisenmenger stole the “Panty Dropper” moniker from Jeremy Drager.

Reporting from the Michigan Fire Inspectors Society Annual Conference,

Dickie Dunn