Byline: New Oakland Psychiatric Clinic

The Nordiques are on a streak… but not the kind of streak any self respecting team ever wishes to go through. Although their chances are minuscule , the cellar dwelling norseman are not mathematically eliminated from the big dance. The surging Whalers dispatched the baby blue adorned team 2-1 Monday night. “I wish the rink was still on lockdown due to that Hully thing” sobbed a downtrodden @pantydropper After the draft the Nordiques season looked promising. Things quickly spiraled out of control and team management looked to shake things up. Co-GM @jcoan made a deal with the Seals which brought @Peso and Chocolate Thunder @mbooker into the fold. In return the Seals acquired a number one center @dcunningham8 and the umbrella straw that stirs the daiquiri @dslackerone . A jersey less Cipps commented before his 10pm game “I tried to tell them they were making a huge mistake… but Panty thinks he’s the smartest person in the room”. Panty was confronted with Cipps comments and retorted “Fuck that kid! He’s the definition of an ankle bender!”

Since the historic four player deal the Nordiques have recorded only a single point. “The only chemistry that @davep and @Peso have happens on the Labatt Blue Party Deck post game” commented forward @jellis . VapeyD rebuffed the comments adding “weve hadnt won since mise kid was 2 year olds and it sux”. The team needs to win their remaining games and get significant help from teams like the Seals and Whales to even have a sniff if the Stanley Keg.

The palpable psyche of the team is beyond low. Team Board of Directors have distributed phone numbers for local psychologists and counselors to all players. Handsome Italian and speedster @gorlandi has taken team officials up on the counseling offer. “I thought about quitting hockey and focusing on my soccer and modeling career. We are cursed and need to sacrifice a live chicken to break the spell”. Others are more reserved. Eric the Silent Asassin Lepoudre @ericlepoudre said he has already switched his focus to the All Star Game. “It will be nice to play on a team that has a chance to win”.

The Nordiques look to stave off elimination next week versus the Mighty Ducks of Hazeltucky led by league points leader @hardyparty92. “We have a tough hill to climb” said Bin. “We have no margin for error. We need to dig down deep within ourselves and will each other to victory”.

Looking to become the Northstars
Insider…

Dickie Dunn