The Good

It was no surprise that the Top 10 point leaders in the league were completely represented in the All Star Ballot Results. The teams are all represented, with the Top three teams in the league each sending four of their best skaters to the Big Show. The Seals are only sending two of its skaters, and the Whalers are sending three. In a shocking surprise, however, last place team and perennial punching bag Nordiques are the best represented team in the league with five skaters showing up to the dance. Initial reports suggested that because Nordiques GM Jeremy Drager also oversees the All Star Polling, he adjusted the vote counts to get half his team in the Game. No matter, the All Star Teams need benders, too.

The Bad

It was no surprise that the Bottom 10 point “leaders” in the league were completely represented in the Bender Bowl Ballot Results.

The Ugly

Troy Otto better hope the All Star Ducks are on his team, otherwise he’s going to be lit the fuck up. Sure, Troy has found some luck against the lower caliber teams in the league, but the Ducks have consistently lit him up throughout the season. Troy should feel fear that he has to lace up against the infinitely more talented JFlo.

League Hero Jeremy “Panty Dropper” Drager was expected to reprise his role as “last man in” for the All Star Game. But a combination of increased level of play and consistent losing has left poor Panty in the cold. Maybe next year, Mr. Dropper!

Squeakers

Brauny: With his moderate level of play, Brauny was a tough choice for many All Star voters this season. However, his leadership this season has proved to be a valuable asset for his team. Plus, skaters thought he might give them better calls when he refs if they voted him in.

Doug E Fresh: No doubt Doug deserves his spot in the roster. He is a better defenseman than most, and can score on an 8 mph shot from the point. Who else can say that? However, his early attendance issues made some voters nervous. It is this reporters opinion that those worries are unfounded.

Eric Lepoudre: Everyone knows Eric is one of the better defensemen in the league, but his low draft stock might startle voters who don’t pay attention. Thankfully, Eric’s quiet demeanor made it into the big game. Watch out for those poke checks!

Chad Paulinski: Who the hell voted for this plug? He’s not even in the Top 66 of skaters skillwise in the league.

Snubs

Tye Otto: How could lovable Tye Otto not make the roster? Well, it is rumored that Tye lost many votes due to voters not knowing his real name. Tye has changed his Slack name so many times that very few new skaters knew who he really was, and the veteran players didn’t give a shit.

Busta: The lowest rated player in the Top 20 was thought to be a shoe-in due to his ability to finish off the sticks of All Star Players. Jealousy filled many voters’ ballots, however, and Busta will have to show off his skills in the Bender Bowl.

Cipps: Basically the only reason the Seals are winning games at this point, fans are shocked to see this MVP sitting in the stands this year. Hopefully voters see what he is truly made of before next year. However, chances are high that he will end up back on the Nordiques, which will plummet his All Star chances back down to 0.

The North Stars: Tying with the most players represented in the game, you’d think the Stars would be happy. They may have started strong, but a losing streak and an overall unpleasant demeanor by their management has left a sour taste in voters’ mouths. Continue to watch for how Troy Otto ruins his team’s chances for greatness.

From the mind of a snubbed All Star, this is Carlos Antonio Machismo ready to go Nancy Kerrigan on some kneecaps.