North Stars Winning Streak Continues

Diques Don’t Share, And They Don’t Care

North Stars 5, Diques 2

North Stars continue winning as they are undoubtedly the best team to ever hit the MNL ice. They have no weakness and it shows, taking down the notorious cocky DaveP Diques. NS started off strong with two goals in the first by Captain Jack Serta Mattress who looked super strange not wearing the patented grey whaler socks we all know. Late in the second, Bin Diesel took it upon himself once again to score a goal to bring the diques within one. Surprise, surprise, DaveP does nothing for the diques once more. Even when he brings Danny Hull his bf to the game to support him, he just cant get it done. This guy is a bust and is nothing without Bin making him look good. All I hear when Dave touches the puck is the crowd chanting “DAVEP!….DAVEP!…. DAVEP!….. ITS ALL YOUR FAULT….. ITS ALL YOUR FAULT… YOU SUCK!…. YOU SUCK!…… YOU SUCK!….” Good thing he is fast cuz if he wasnt,, just consider him a bender. Vertregt had himself a day and could not be stopped by the diques grind liners. Walshy fed him twice for two goals and walshy got one himself. Coan, back from him lower body injury was not 100% but contributed with an apple. Once this guy gets healthy, the diques will be a bigger force to be wrecking with. Just swap him with DaveP on the star line and watch the lamp light up with a real goal scorer to help out Bin Diesel. DaveP can dish and feed JoeE and dangle his way down the ice on the opposing grind liners to put up 0 points, so you dont lose any production there. It’s not really possible to lose production with Dave. You can’t get fewer points than 0. North Stars took care of business once again to make that four in a row and they will Strive for Five next week against the tough American team.

Is Bin Diesel the Diques real problem? Covered by the smoke and mirrors of his 10 goals, he is the only player in the Top 20 with 0 Asses. ZERO!!! He is great and all but doesnt seem to want to share the puck very much. I was always taught that sharing was caring but being and old-timer, he might not of learned that back then in school. With DaveP being SOOO damn good and such a playmaker and goal score, or so he says, why can’t Bin just share the wealth and give Dave some action. Bin is the savior for the diques this year and GM Jeremy Drager had this to say, ” I dont care if Bin doesnt pass, he scores and is on pace to shatter the Golden Boys goal record. Everyone knows DaveP cant score, I only drafted him to shit talk the league and make him think we are great team when it is really just the Bin Show”.

the Diques had a scare last night when an unknown GOON of the North Stars (Recently graduated from McCrackin school of GOONery) tried to knock Pantys teeth out with a blow to the head. Panty was a little loopy after his potential Concussion on the ice last night so his thought process could have been a little off. He was good enough to pull himself off the ice, even trying to argue with himself to stay in the game but GM Panty got the last say and forced himself off the ice. Player panty was not happy, yelling obscenities at GM Panty, ” I am the glue that holds this team together! How am I suppose to drop pantys sitting in the locker room!”  GM panty replied with “Go take a break bud, you are clearly not thinking straight. You have some nice pantys waiting to be dropped at home. Youll be able to drop more pantys next week against the whalers”.

Duck Hunting Season Is in Full Effect in America

Americans 5, Ducks 3

Controversy arose last week when the Americans, who were out Proctor and Hetes decided to bring in ringer, Danny Hull, moved Jon Starr to goal tender, and brought in Regner for Jon Starr. League officials argued for days about the fairness of this game. One GM even stating that the Ducks will get slaughtered 8-0.  The Americans Started off the game with Danny Hull kicking in a goal that Ref Bin didnt quite see. The Ducks seemed deflated as usual until they saw how hard Pistol was working to cover Hull all night. Trying to tuck him into bed with the Pistol blanket technique, things looked promising. The ducks scored the next two goals by Tim “Conway” Turtle, and AllanZ to give the Ducks the confidence they needed. Newcomer Paul Antioch shut that shit down real quick with two tip in goals back to back. Early in the 3rd, Charles Machi hustled to pressure Jon Starr who misplayed the puck and gave it back to Big Sexy in the corner who then picked his head up, scanned the ice for an open Adam “Sugar” Banks. Charles had a laser tape to tape pass followed by a snipe show by Sugar. Olivere then put the Americans back up one with a goal with about 8 minutes left in the 3rd. The Ducks scurried and tried to put the pressure on, pulling the goalie with a little over 2 minutes left. The ducks had a costly turnover and Danny hull finished all over the faces off the ducks with an Empty netter to seal the deal for the Americans. Danny Hull finished with points on every scoring play. Americans are hoping to get Proctor back after feeling embarrassed that they let the ducks almost beat them with the ringer they brought in and all the loopholes they found in the MNL rules. League Official have opened an investigation in trying to make sure this doesnt happen again….. Especially to the last place team.

Jflo Can’t Save The Whalers From Peso

Seals 5, Whalers 2

Peso was the talk of the town in this game, and the only ones talking were him and whoop. First thing I heard echoing through the mini gondola outside Viking Arena last night was “I had a 5 point game!”. Wondering if god was speaking to me, I then realized, out of the cloud of smoke, it was only Peso extremely happy after his horrendous performance last week. Whoop all ecstatic about their win and Peso doing so well on the grind line, “Seals are back baby! Peso looking good all aboard the Q line.”

Benders dominated the first period with Vinande Starting off the game early for the Seal with a goal followed by Crunk for the whalers. Peso got a break away late in the period and banged it home (get it… he banged it..) leaving jflo sore and wanting more! 🙂 Although peso was done with jflo for the scoring he helped the seals by assisting house and Vinande to finish the game off with 10 points in total. Who knew PESO would learn to pass. Peso recorded 3 points in one play, he passed it to himself who saucered it back to himself for a goal. It was also a thing of beauty watching him pass it to himself and then dishing it off accidentally to Vinande who happened to be skating in the right spot. Vinande stating “I just follow Peso around and eventually he will try a fancy move and lose the puck where I will be waiting to put the puck in the back of the net. Peso will claim he did it on purpose but we all know he doesn’t ever look to pass”. Kimmel also added to the whalers goal total in the second but it was not enough to catch up to Peso and the boys. Seals look good with 4 different goal scorers and Vinande leading the charge with 2 goals. Look for the tough matchup against the Ducks next week. Whalers will look to try beat the Diques next week in what could be a thriller.