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In a controversial ruling, a judge has ruled that MNL has no right to sanction Nordiques F Jeremy Coan for playing hockey in SMLDIL games. An appeal is being made to the United States Supreme Court, but it may take months for arguments to be heard and a ruling to be made. In the meantime, Jeremy Coan is free to play forward with no restrictions.

Jeremy took “no restrictions” to heart in a 4-1 rout of the Whalers. Coan, a late round forward, was not expected to be an offensive powerhouse this season. However, with a chip on his shoulder and arguably not a lot of time before a ruling is made, Coan decided to make the most of his time skating out. Jeremy managed to net two goals and one assist against the floundering Whalers to lead the Diques to their first victory.

Coan wearing the treasured Nordiques Fire Hat to put out his hot hands

When asked about his thoughts after his career game, Coan had this to say:

“Bro, it feels good to come out and dominate play in such a competitive league. I don’t think JFlo expected so much out of me! Unfortunately, I know the rules though. ‘No Hat Trick, No Pussy.’ But maybe a 3 point night is good for a blowie?”

Danielle Coan could not be reached for comment.

Coan waiting to hear what his prenup says about getting his knobby slobbed

This is Junior Señor Reporter Carlos Antonio Machismo bringing you #realnews.