Americans Look Passed the North Stars

Proctor unleashes flash kick, Otto goes home to be a family man

At the hands of Paul Proctor, and brilliant DJ Pete Niphoratos, Guile’s theme was heard early and often in the 9pm tilt between the #1 power-ranked Americans and #2 power-ranked North Stars. The winger scored two goals and added an assist to overtake the Stars 3-2. The success of the Americans could largely be attributed to goalie and strategy aficionado Andrew Hetes. “We just gotta get pucks deep, get pucks on net,” said Hetes in a pre-game interview. “The rest will take care of itself.” The North Stars unfortunately did not have a great gameplan going in. “It’ll take care of itself, we just gotta get pucks deep, get pucks on net,” said forward Chad Paulinski. In his season 2 debut, Chase Macechern opened and closed the scoring with two nearly identical backhands. The league is investigating future interviews with bland personalities.

Whalers get Diqued by Coan

For the matchup between the more defensive focused teams in the league, the Nordiques and the Whalers was expected to be a low scoring game similar to last year.  The Nordiques pulled in subs that upset the Whalers and the Whalers pulled in subs that upset the Nordiques.  With that snoresville narrative out of the way, we can get to the meat of the game.

The Whalers came out hot in the first shift, putting the Nordiques on their heels.  After a tense first period, the Diques started to take over the pace of the game, getting a goal from Backup Goaltender Jeremy Coan.  Paul “Bin” Biliti scored a 2nd goal to end the 2nd and put the Diques up 2.

To start the 3rd, the Whalers had a takeaway that allowed a bang-bang play to Kimmel for a top shelfer.  However, after that, the Nordiques Grind Line take the game back over and scored two more to give the Diques a 4-1 win.

Seals Play Duck Hunt

In a game that was suppose to be the more thrilling one of the 10pm games, the Seals took on the Ducks. Matt Taylor, Brother of Chris “Chatter Box” Taylor join the seals substituting for their 1st round draft pick, ShaunE. The Seals started out swimming fast and M. Taylor put two in the net before the ducks could even think about taking flight. Seals grind line absolutely dominated the ducks Grind line. Busta/Charles/AlanZZZ (Not much talent to begin with between Charles and Busta) were out matched severely by the line of Vinande/Marvin/Qtip. With the seals holding the possession for most of that match-up’s shifts, things got a bit switched up with lines changes and the Star line of the ducks couldn’t seem to find their rhythm even when facing the seals grind liners. The seals found themselves scoring one goal when things got mixed up though. Seals just seemed like they wanted it more out there. Even Vinande got into the mix with a beauty of a pass from Qtip to put the seals up 3-0.  Peso ended up scoring a goal as well. The Ducks decided to start playing with about 4 minutes left when sugar scored a goal. Pistol took a penalty and turtle and sugar decided to turn it up a notch and score a shorty on a turtle snipe show, but it was too little too late at that point. Had a few better chances with a minute let but could put one home. Seals look to face the Americans in a proctor meets his maker, game of the week. Ducks look to face the hot diques without Sugar or Pistol to lead the charge.

With more teams coming into the league, an opportunity to become a volunteer ref for the second games during Monday nights arose. Chad and Troy had their debut last night and from the talk of the town, seemed to go pretty well. I don’t expect these refs to make the right calls all the time or even have the balls to call penalties right out of the gate. It is a learning experience for all new refs and they should be treated with respect.

Peso who is a member of the volunteer reffing committee took it upon himself to give Chad a few tips on how to call goals and penalties. Who knew that a puck that hits both posts and shoots straight out to center ice was a goal, without proper replay technology this can not be confirmed but physics could tell us a bit about the shot. Referee Peso was on the refs all game about their knowledge (or lack there of) of the game of hockey. Some even saw what looked like a shape of a rulebook in peso’s socks in case the refs needed to look something up. When talking with Chad after the game he stated (with his tear ducts filling with salt water), ” I decided to ref once Troy wanted to, that way I would be able to ref the opposite game of his so I would be less likely to get yelled at or even have to talk to by Troy.” who knew Chad had another thing coming for him when Peso was in his ear all game. Peso screaming all night rule numbers and what the rules mean, “RULE P350: IF A SKATING REFEREE TELLS YOU ITS A GOAL OR PENALTY, THEN YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO  HIM AND TAKE HIS WORD ON IT”. Peso has since issued an apology for his actions and will most likely do it again in upcoming weeks.

*REMINDER* the volunteer refs are here to help the league out, they dont have to be there and we could have 1 ref again. They are inexperienced and mostly all brand new to reffing hockey games. They don’t need to hear you bitching at them, especially after they lose their #1 spot in the power rankings